Extending Her Hand

I mean that in a figurative kind of way. 

I don’t know if I’m close to breaking out of the funk that effectively ruined a good portion of my week last week, but apparently it was more than enough to motivate Carmen to check in on me again.  If I’m keeping track, this would be her second check-in in the last two weeks, give or take a day.  She called me out of the blue two Thursdays ago and we spoke for about half an hour as she was in the midst of her own morning commute.  She could hear it in my tone that something was definitely not right with me.  I guess I did an especially poor job of masking my feelings as we spoke and she could tell that something was off with me.

I was never overly expressive with her in the 11 years that she and I were a duo.  Sure, we were and I suppose are still very close today, but years ago, I don’t think I would have come to her with any of my problems, nor would I have wanted to vent to her.  I guess in the nearly eight years since she left the office and continued her career in an entirely different office, maybe we became that much closer?  Maybe I became more comfortable with her in the time that we’ve been apart?  Truthfully, I can’t explain it, but it feels like we’re stronger and closer than we were.    

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, as they sometimes say.          

As she always has been, Carmen has always been encouraging and I want to say that our talk helped me, maybe just a little bit.  I know that she remains hopeful that one day, I will join her at her current office.  I think she’s also holding out hope that I would join her work group and that we would soon be professionally reunited.  She and I have always worked well together.  You don’t work alongside someone for 11 years and not learn a thing or two.  I’m still very much open to joining her and I’ve told her this.    

I am confident that she and I would not skip a beat and everything would revert to a state of comfort and normalcy, like nothing ever changed in the time we’ve been apart.  Even during our brief reunion a few months ago when she came back to my office and visited for a few hours, we felt as though nothing between us had changed.  We seemed to pick up right where we left off and it felt amazing.  Actually, in some weird way, I almost feel like we’re stronger, maybe even a little closer than we were before.    

She gave me a pep talk of sorts, which I think helped me.  I mean, my workday wasn’t terrible today, though I need to qualify that statement by acknowledging that as is the case every Monday, half of the office is gone.  That means that half of those people who could possibly annoy me were gone today.  So what this also means is that tomorrow, I will likely be on high alert again because the entire office will be back and there is a huge chance that at least one person will get on my nerves.  I’m counting on it.  Unless I physically leave the office, it’s guaranteed that someone will annoy the fuck out of me.  I mean, all it takes is one person to ruin my day with their nonsense, stupidity, or even mere presence.  Sometimes, I need to escape just to maintain my sanity. 

I’ve been expressive towards her as we spoke, now twice in these last two weeks.  I don’t think I caught her off-guard with my openness, because if there’s one thing she has come to expect from me, it’s the truth and my always being a straight shooter.  I have come to expect the same thing from her as well. 

Carmen continues to look out for me.  I’m still working through whatever my issues are right now and yes, these problems are mostly related to my work environment.  I’m just glad that I have someone like her in my proverbial corner. 

Even after all these years, it’s heartwarming to know that she still cares for me the way she does.  That feeling is definitely mutual and I have to think that she knows it too.