Conflicted At First – Hurricane Edition
Serena will be continuing her training this coming week, as she will be starting the second of her two assigned training courses tomorrow. This particular training course will start on 08/21/23 and is expected to wrap up on 10/11/23. We’re looking at about just under two months of training before she will be completely done with training and our workdays will finally have more clarity, as far as our day-to-day involvement moving forward. During her first training course and in the days between when those training sessions occurred, we would be joined at the hip, and we would handle our business in the field together. This has proven to be a glimpse of what I think our workdays will be like once she completes all her training. But for the time being, that second of two training courses remains a thorn in my side, and likely, Serena’s as well. I know that she is anxious to finish her training and get started with the actual job. I’m equally anxious to be able to see her and work beside her every day of the work week.
So, as some of you may or may not know, there’s a hurricane that is supposed to ravage the Southern California area at some point today and likely tomorrow. As I write this, the rain remains light and hardly anything intrusive. In an effort to ensure the safety of Serena and the other people in her training class, whoever is heading or overseeing their training sent out an e-mail this past Friday to all participants, advising that at least for 08/21, their first training class would be moved from being an in-person class to an exclusively virtual one through Zoom.
Initially, when Serena told me this, I was anticipating the possibility that maybe she would engage in her training through Zoom, but that she would do so from our office. Had this been an in-person class, I would not have had any opportunity to see her on Monday. Even though she would have been in training in the office, while we could not necessarily engage or interact with each other, I still would have had a chance to casually and randomly walk by her desk and see her. We could have exchanged looks and glances all day but at the very least, I could have seen her smile and that shy look that she gives me every time I walk by her desk.
Serena, I want to think, briefly contemplated this very possibility, before deciding that she would just stay home and complete her Zoom training there. I’d be lying if I said that I was momentarily disappointed when she said that, but then, I gave it some thought, maybe to quell that disappointment and arrived at a very reasonable mindset. I don’t know if this is telling of how I feel about her, but for the time being, it made me feel better.
Assuming that the rain comes and this hurricane touches down, I wouldn’t want Serena to brave the roads just for the sake of doing her Zoom training in the office. Yes, it would be a missed opportunity for us, in that we won’t be seeing each other, but on the other hand, I would at least be comforted knowing that she is safe and not subject to anything that might be happening outside. I’ll battle the roads and outside elements, being that my commute is only six miles, one-way.
I think that maybe subconsciously, I want to protect Serena and ensure her safety. Or maybe, at the very least, I just don’t want anything to happen to her where she is put in a position where her safety and well being are at risk. I definitely don’t want to see anything happen to her and I don’t even want to imagine it.
This will probably be my mentality for tomorrow and I’m thinking, maybe even moving forward. I know that I don’t have to protect her, but in my head and my heart, I feel that very obligation to do just that. For as long as we are together at work, I feel that I need to take on that role, even if she tells me that she doesn’t need me to. I think that I’m just going to do it regardless.
She might see it, though I don’t know if I would tell her outright that that is exactly what I’m doing. Maybe that’ll be my little secret?