Butterflies And Hearts Aflutter

Did we have to reconnect today the way we did?  Were we really apart for that long?  Did things have to start off as hostile as they did?  Why can’t I ever stay mad at her for very long?  Am I being overly dramatic about this?  Maybe.    

My first instinct is to claim that I am confused, but that would be disingenuous because I’m not.  I know exactly what is going on here and I am thoroughly convinced that she does too.  She has to know, because this is a sort of dance that we can’t seem to stop performing, as if the music dies down a bit, but it never completely stops.  The silence is never permanent.  Somehow, we are constantly in motion.  As odd as this might sound, the pain ensues when we stop dancing.           

I missed her this week.  She missed me.  We told each other as much.  I meant it.  I have to believe that she did too when she said it.  I mean, after all, she said it first.  I was thinking it myself though.  The feeling was definitely mutual.

Sometimes it’s hard to walk away from someone with whom you have such a strong and powerful connection.  You spend all of this time and energy on someone and you reach a point where everything just feels right.  You don’t want that sort of thing to end.  It feels too good to let it go. 

Every time I tell myself that I’m not going to say anything to her, that I’m not going to reveal any more feelings to her, and that I’m just going to revert to my normal, quiet, stoic self, it never works.  I always crumble.  I think a lot of thgt stems from her revealing her feelings and I just follow suit.  I don’t want her thinking that she’s the only one between us feeling what she’s feeling.  Again, a lot of what we feel, if not everything we feel, is mutual.  I suppose I just feel the need to tell her and assure her that she is not alone.       

I might be rambling here at this point, because I don’t know where I was going with this.  I guess I just wanted to jot my feelings down and obviously, this was the best way to do it. 

I think I’ll close on this note. 

I admitted to her after all these months that whenever I get text messages from her, regardless of what the content of those messages might be, I get butterflies in my stomach.  Just hearing my phone go off and seeing her name pop up brings those butterfly feelings right back, as if they never really left.  I normally don’t like having those butterflies, but when it comes to her, they’re somehow pleasant and very welcome. 

Not surprisingly, she also gets those same butterflies. 

Like minds, like hearts, I would say.