A Little More Green Stuff?

Yesterday, Jackie (Work Wife #3) stopped by the office briefly, as she was in the area after having flown into town from Las Vegas the night before.  I knew a week earlier that this visit was in the cards, though I didn’t tell anyone.  At the time, I didn’t think it was a big deal or anything that I thought I needed to announce, so I just kept it to myself.  If I think about it, I hadn’t seen her since the second week of May, so that’s roughly two-plus months.  We still keep in contact and exchange text messages between 6:50am and 7:10am, Monday through Thursday.  Yes, that looks like a pretty rigid schedule and it is.  I tend not to be spontaneous and whenever possible, I like to plan things out right down to the smallest of details.  The manner of scheduling has even trickled down to how I send text messages.

I don’t think I made it a point to tell Serena of Jackie’s visit.  In the grand scheme of things, maybe I should have.  During one of our many conversations yesterday, specifically after Jackie had left the office and made her way to wherever she was going, Serena admitted to me that when she saw Jackie and me talking to each other and catching up as friends do, she felt this unusual and unforeseen hint of jealously start to consume her.  Incidentally, Serena and I had spoken about the concept of jealously as it pertained to us this past Thursday and at the time, we seemed to come to an understanding that neither one of us needed to be jealous of the other for any reason.  I bought into it almost immediately after Serena said it and I had no reason to doubt that Serena had also believed the very wisdom she was imparting on me.  To some degree, we were both wrong.

Jackie and I, as Serena saw it, looked like when we talking to each other that we had not skipped a beat and that we were still very much in synch as though she never left.  We had even shared some inside jokes and Serena picked up on that.  Everything flowed much better than Serena could have anticipated and it bothered her just a little.  I really wanted to quell Serena’s discomfort as quickly as I could, as to not have it eat at her for the rest of the day.

I reassured Serena that just as was the case on Thursday, she still had no reason to be jealous of anyone.  Serena said that she too was surprised by how she felt when she saw me talking to Jackie.  She had never really seen me connect with Jackie the way we did and I had to explain to Serena that prior to Jackie in late April, I wasn’t working with anyone as closely as I did with Jackie.  Jackie and I had been partners since March 2022 and I had to remind Serena of that.  At the end of all of this, I hoped that Serena could deal with her jealousy and not allow it to become a thing.  I never meant for Serena to feel that way and I had even apologized to her for making her feel that way, even if it was never intentional.

I suppose I sort of then put myself in her shoes and I clearly knew from what angle she was coming.  I guess I might have felt the same way had the tables been turned and in thinking back to it, I should have told her that I clearly understand her feelings.  A small part of me hopes that she knows that I never intended for her to feel jealous, not of Jackie, and not of anyone.

I am not a jealous person, though years ago, I used to be.  Being jealous is exhausting and I’ve been there and I hated it too.  It was always my hope to never be that way again and thus far, in the time since I’ve gotten closer to Serena, I haven’t been tested that way.  I think I’ll have my test come soon enough though I am optimistic that I will be able to handle it like an adult and not be overwhelmed by it all when it happens.

It looks like Serena and I are still learning about each other and I’m looking forward to this learning process.  She has me so thoroughly captivated that I can’t help but listen to her every word and cling to her every syllable.  Indeed I am a captive audience and I wouldn’t want it any other way.