A Fool For Her Entertainment

Livid.  That’s the best term I can use to describe how I felt at my seemingly lowest point today.

Very rarely have I ever been driven to that point.  In general, I tend not to be an angry person.  I’m just not.  Being upset really drives me well away from my baseline and because I’m not used to being angry all the time, it takes me a while to calm back and return to some state of normalcy.  I hate it, but yet, here I am, hours later.

My best friend thought that she would intentionally play with me today and deliberately get me upset.  I think she did it, not only to see if she could do it, but also to see if she could get a rise out of me.  She succeeded in making a spectacle out of me, for her own pleasure and entertainment.  As I see it, she attacked me for having some stomach discomfort and she paired my stomach discomfort with my inability to establish and maintain eye contact with her.  The only side effect I seem to experience from my being on Ozempic would be the recurring nausea.  As I told her, some days its effects are minimal and other days, like today, it seems to last for a hell of a lot longer than I am used to.  Most days, I like the nausea because it comes and goes within seconds.  Today, it hit me harder than usual, and it bothered me, to where I felt as though I was going to vomit.  Thankfully, I didn’t, but that feeling is always going to bother me because I’m not the type who likes to throw up, regardless of reason.

So, with the way I was feeling, the last thing I wanted to do was look at anyone.  If I could have taken a nap to sleep it off, I think I would have.  But instead, she dug into me, and seemed to criticize me for not being able to fight off some nausea and look at her at the same time.  She did this laugh after she said it all, which pretty much put me over the edge at that point.

For the life of me, I can’t fathom why my best friend would intentionally do things to get me mad.  I remain convinced that she did it just to see how incensed I would get and while it clearly worked, I just don’t get why she felt the need to take things to that point.  Even though this happened several hours ago, I’m still fucking heated over it.

I never like to be the center of attention.  I don’t like being made the butt of a joke.  I don’t like it when someone gets me mad for the fucking sport of it, like I’m some kind of clown.  I’m not some kind of a game, to be played with whenever she fucking feels like it.  This truly is a low blow, and it bothers the hell out of me.

She didn’t need to do that.  I might be overreacting, but this makes me feel worthless, like my feelings don’t matter and I’m just there for her to pick at, on a fucking whim, like I was a scab.