Surprise

My memory is definitely going. I’ve just been checking back through the (not ridiculously in the grand scheme of things) long list of songs I’ve used for titles (I really need a better way to check this, btw) and opened up an entry that, when I read it, I have ABSOLUTELY no recollection of writing. Holy crap. I mean, I can read back most old entries and remember where I was when I wrote it and what was going on around me at the time, but not this one. No recollection at all. Reading through old entries always makes me a little sad, I wonder what happened to the diarists I used to read who no longer write. I hope they’re all OK.

I was in London last weekend, for the day. It was a long day – up at 4:30am to catch the 6am train from Newcastle. Apart from the 75 minute delay (honestly, people who steal signal cables for the copper will be first against the wall when the revolution comes) the journey down wasn’t too bad. I managed to start and finish a book in one sitting – a very, very rare occurance for me. Luckily I took 3 books with me cos the 2nd was a shorty so I definitely needed the third.

I was in London for a course workshop on group skills. I got a lot out of it, not least because I got to meet up with people I met at the weekend workshop in January, and discover that they’d not stuck to their targets either. Yay, I’m not the only slacker. This is the problem with home study with no deadlines. I can slack off all I want, makes no difference to anyone but me. I’ve not been that slack though. Got my 2nd mark (from my first written piece of work on the course) and got another B. Go, me. I’ve been waiting for this to come back before finishing off the next 2 pieces, and I’m glad I did, as I’d made one tiny mistake on the references, so I’ve not repeated that mistake on the next assignments.

Anyway, as well as reading on the way to (and from) London, my mind wandered into a little memory lane trip – partly induced by all the music I was listening to – a lot of it from my late teens and early 20s, when I was in London. But my trip down memory lane became frustrating because I couldn’t remember names. Like, I couldn’t remember the name of the guy who worked with Claire at Money Marketing and fancied me and only ate potatoes. A complete blank. It later returned to me his name was Anthony. I can’t remember his second name though – I was gonna see if he was on Facebook but now I can’t. (This may or may not be a good thing, I’m not sure). Then I couldn’t remember the surname of the guy who was at uni with me during my first year and then I lived with him and his partner, Jason, in my final year. It came to me on Wednesday.

My memories appear to be looking more like Swiss cheese these days, and it’s the holes I become fixated on. I’ve always had a fantastic memory but no more. I now have to do something almost the instant I think of it, or I’m likely to totally forget it. If I had constant on-the-move access to the internet, I’d probably write on here more. Most days, I think of something to write about and then get side tracked and when I come to write, it’s completely vanished into the ether.

Work is rubbish at the moment. I feel massively underappreciated. I told my line manager I couldn’t do any overtime next week, the first time in over 6 months that I’ve not done an extra half day. What do I get? Hassle because I’m not doing any. Never any fucking thanks for all the overtime I have done, even when it was paid piss poorly and I was the only one doing it because even an extra £20 was better than nothing. No, no thanks, just more shit piled on my desk and a snide comment. I’ve done so much rubbish for a certain music channel it’s not even funny. I don’t care about aging ‘celebs’ seeking love with fame-hungry people half their age. Is it too much to ask to get a decent bit of work once a week? Once a month? I’d leave if I didn’t need the maternity pay when I eventually get knocked up again.

No further on with the exhaustion. Doc was lovely and arranged for blood tests although she seems to think it’s just a symptom of modern life – ie, being a mum, wife, employee, person in my own right. Didn’t have the heart to tell her I’d managed to shoe horn studying for a diploma as well into my life. She asked if there was a chance I’m already pregnant, but I said unlikely as I have none of the other ‘symptoms’ I had with Zoe. So, blood tests next week and then wait a week for the results. We shall see.

Until there is a next time…

xx