Stay the same

I’m feeling a bit meh today. I’m feeling tired of everything around me. Tired of the same arguments every morning. "Don’t want no shoes. No pink shoes, want…" (points to shoes that are too small and I haven’t remembered to move from the hallway.) "Don’t want coat." Get outside. "Want blue blanket" (the blanket we put over her in the pushchair when it’s chilly.) "Want this, want that, don’t want that." I’m tired of this drama every morning and I’m tired of being the only one that deals with it. Duncan gets up at the same time as me but after his shower puts on t-shirt and shorts, not his work clothes. So he doesn’t help with the shoe & coat hassle because he’s getting dressed and ready himself. I’ve tried repeatedly to get him to change this routine but it never works. He ends up flapping and hassling me about where he’s put something. One child to get ready is bad enough, I don’t need to deal with him as well.

Then, I get to work and I have to listen to the inane comments and stupid little obsessions of my co-workers. Now, granted, on a less meh-day, I can live with this and can add my own inanity to the whole thing, but not today. Today, I want to scream and shout and tell them to shut up and leave me alone. But I can’t. I may only have just under 8 weeks to go, but I don’t plan to spend the next 8 weeks alienating the friends I have here. So I’ve spent a lot of time biting my tongue today. It probably has teeth marks by now.

No idea why I feel this way. I used to get like this when I was about to ovulate, but I doubt that’s about to happen any time soon. 7 weeks of this cycle and counting. Role on June 10th. I don’t know, I kind of feel stuck right now. Not much longer left in my job, but still having to slog it out, halfway through my course but currently inbetween essays so nothing to focus on there. Even my relationship with Duncan just feels stuck and not going anywhere, which is, I’m sure, massively unfair on him in many ways, and hopefully normal in some way as well. We don’t have time, or rather, the chance, to spend time away from the house, just the two of us, so right now I feel like we’re just raising Zoe and watching TV together. Can’t decide if that’s my mood or something else though.

I had a lovely Friday evening with ODer DunkBiscuitStar – lots of chat, laughs and curry were had. It’s the first time I’ve met with anyone from here for ages and it felt good to do so, and we shall definitely be doing it again.

Until there is a next time…
xx