New Orleans Instrumental No 5

‘This could be the saddest dusk, I’ve ever seen’ REM – Half a world away

Sometimes over the past two weeks I have wondered if I’m doing the right thing, if teaching is really what I want to do. I dislike that feeling of starting a new job, walking into a room where you know no-one and they don’t know you. And I wonder if I could do that every September. Learn 30 more names, add 30 more faces to the memory bank and remember them for the next 9 months, before consigning them to the memory vault and preparing myself for 30 more.

I had a great 2 weeks. I learnt some things and discovered more questions about myself and my choices than I ever realised I had. But at the end of the two weeks I was a little relieved to be going. Not because of anything to do with the whole role of teaching, but because I was bored. I rarely can sit idly by. Even on my weekends relaxing I usually fill the corner of the lounge with studying, books to read and newspapers. It infuriates Duncan that I can watch a football game with my head buried in the news section of the Observer and still follow both what’s written in front of me and what’s on the pitch. But that is me relaxing. So to sit at the back of a class for two weeks and just watch was almost hell. I tried to concentrate on everything but found myself thinking about my stats assignment that needed doing or working out my finances and when should I go to the bank for a temporary overdraft to cover the transition from weekly pay to monthly pay.

My first week with year 6 turned out to be wonderful. The class teacher was great, she involved me with the children, letting me work in small groups with them and making me feel a part of the class. Every morning before the bell I would have a chance to ask any questions I had and learn more about the background role of being a teacher, the lesson planning, researching, etc, etc. The kids were great as well, with one asking me if I could be their new Maths teacher as his was off sick at the moment. It was moments like that that I decided to do this. If the whole 2 weeks had been in this class I would have probably got more out of it.

But the second week I was moved to the year below. I didn’t realise what a difference a year makes in teaching kids. These children were noisy, rude, didn’t want to listen. I was surprised to say the least. Their teacher was great with them, but when they had other lessons, it was like a different class. But I wasn’t made to feel a part of the class. Despite requests for group work, I was virtually ignored by the teacher. I just sat at the back and let my mind wonder. The only benefits of being in this class were the one-on-one sessions I got to do with one of the ‘special education needs’ children, which was so rewarding, to see him working the answers out and learning how to phrase what he wanted to write.

Don’t get me wrong, like I said, the two weeks were helpful in many ways. But I’m still not sure why they are such an important pre-requisite of the course. I thought it would give me the opportunity to see if this is something I really want to do, but how can I make a decision like that when I have no real concept of the workload required, no real idea about exactly what the job entails. All I know is what I already knew before. If anything these last two weeks have opened up more questions in my head, questions that can’t be answered for another 18 months. I’m out of money (thanks Kellys for managing to forget to pay me, how exactly shall I be getting to work this week?) and no closer to knowing if this is what I want. Or is the test in the fact that if you can get through the two weeks and not be instantly put off, then it’s obviously for you?

I’m not glad to be going back to work on Monday. I feel I deserve a holiday. I’ve listened to teachers talking about where they are going for easter break, two weeks off, and here I am back to work and set for unwelcome, but much needed, overtime to clear up the mess I was warned about by my boss yesterday. But on the bright side, spring is indeed springing and I’m going to see REM in July – we booked the tickets this week!!!

Until there is a next time…

xx