Killer Queen

It’s been an insanely busy couple of weeks here. I left my job on Friday 29th May. I feel… well, nothing right now. I’m sad to have left and I feel like I’ve left friends behind, which is a shame. I never left because I hated my colleagues or the overall premis of my job, I left because of the office politics and the general shiteness with which we are treated by the London office. The head of subtitling and the HR part time woman even refused to come and do my exit interview, which they usually do for everyone who leaves. I wrote them a nice long comment on the back of my exit form I was given, telling them why I was leaving, with examples and everything. Not that they’ll pay the slightest bit of attention to it, but you never know, someday, someone in that company might come across it and realise why Newcastle office think the London office and management are wankers and why we had to join a union.

But, like I said, I don’t really miss it yet, but it’s only been a week and I was on holiday for most of it anyway. In a month or so, it might feel different but not right now. I’m looking forward to not getting up early on Tuesday morning but I’m not looking forward to dealing with a selectively hard of hearing child who is contrary about everything. I guess this is something I’ll have to get used to.

Not that I won’t be working and bringing the money in. I was sent some details of a vague website related job a month ago, working 4 hours a day, Monday to Friday, from home, and when I do those 4 hours is entirely up to me. It wasn’t a desperate need for a job, and, tbh, after the phone interview, I wasn’t convinced it was mine. But, lo and behold, just before we went away, I got an email offering me the job. It’s all very secretive, working for a major client, doing search engine research and it’ll run to the end of next June. So now I have to sort myself out as self employed and get all that tied up and work out what the hell it entails. Depending on the exchange rate (it’s an american company and the pay rate is given in dollars), I’ll be earning about two thirds of what I was getting previously but not paying for childcare out of that, so hopefully our finances will improve further this year and it’ll take some of the sting out of Duncan’s bonuses getting less and less, thanks to the recession.

We had a lovely holiday as well, 5 days at Centre Parcs in the Lake District. Never been before and didn’t know really what to expect beyond a family-orientated place, but it was very good. We were quite close to the main restaurant area (5 minutes on the bikes) but far enough away so as not to be surrounded by people. We, well, Duncan, took Zoe ‘swimming’ 3 times, by which I mean, she splashed about in a pool but not much more. She’s never been swimming of any description before and we weren’t sure she’d like it, but she soon warmed up to it. I did some messy play with Zoe on Wednesday, she loved the painting and sticking, and then on Thursday we did a teddy bear’s picnic. She was absolutely fine until they brought out someone dressed as Rupert and she became instantly terrified, so we left. We had hoped to visit my family when we left CP on Friday morning but Zoe had a sore ear and I wanted to get her to the doctors in case it was (yet another) ear infection – it wasn’t, thankfully, but we still have ear drops to put in.

Got back to find my fertility appointment for next Wednesday had been cancelled with no rescheduled appointment given. Someone had written on the official letter that they might be able to reschedule for August at the same hospital or earlier if we were prepared to travel to Hexham (about 30 – 40 minutes drive). I was, quite frankly, ready to cry. I haven’t ovulated in at least 6 months now, if not longer, and the thought of waiting another couple of months just to see if I can get the drugs to make me ovulate was pretty depressing. Thankfully, when I called, they’ve managed to get me in to see another specialist 2 weeks later, so just a short extra wait, but still, it’s more waiting. On a forum I frequent, there are women there who started trying the same time as me and are now about to give birth or have in the last couple of months. It’s depressing and sometimes I become convinced that it’s because I was such a shit mum to Zoe to begin with that I don’t deserve another one. Like I said, depressing, but (probably) not really true.

Until there is a next time…
xx