Just lose it

Permit me, if you will, a small rant. Normalish service will be resumed shortly.

I had a job interview for a promotion at work on Monday. I didn’t feel up to it but the alternative was to postpone until next week and travel to London to do it. I had to do that last time and didn’t feel up to doing it again. Plus, I figured that one week may not make too much of a difference. If I didn’t feel up to facing it there wouldn’t be much else I could do. So I did the interview and the two interviewers were aware of what happened last week.

I didn’t get the job. To be honest, I wasn’t all that bothered. Yes, the money would be nice but I want less stress in my life and that wouldn’t happen with this job. I got the email this afternoon and I was expecting it. I was expecting it to go to one particular guy, who’d been here the longest. He didn’t get it either. In fact, they gave it to Graeme, who’s been here the shortest amount of time. It’s a bit of a slap in the face but I think he’ll do the job well, even though I don’t think he’ll stay here all that long. Part of me wonders if they gave it to him to stop him leaving. He has an interview with itfc next week and will now turn that down. Anyway, he’d be good at it.

The annoying thing, that has made my blood boil is the feedback I was given from the interview. Apparently, there was nothing wrong with my experience, well, nothing that they said anyway, but I was turned down because I wasn’t enthusiastic enough in the interview.

Are you f*cking kidding me?! I just had a miscarriage! The fact that I got through a 45-minute interview without crying should be enough right now. But I’m not enthusiastic enough for the job. To be honest, I find it hard to be enthusiastic about anything relating to this company right now, the amount of times we’ve been screwed over and knowing that some people are on more money for the same job. I had all the necessary experience but was having a bad day so didn’t get the job. I wish I hadn’t bothered now.

The thing is, I don’t actually believe her. Yes, I wasn’t very enthusiastic, something she did point out to me during the interview, but I think it comes down to this – my cards are now on the table. It is now known that I am married and actively trying to get pregnant. They’d never admit this but I think it goes some way to explaining it. As for me, I’m not sure where I go from here. I’m not sure I want to work in a company where the HR woman has such terrible people skills.

Or am I over-reacting? Feel free to tell me I am, I probably am.

Until there is a next time…

xx