In the end

‘sell out, with me tonight’ Reel Big Fish – Sellout.

I apologise. My morals are low and changeable. I came back here last night and I’m not too sure what I expected. What I found was a smaller favourites list as one by one they succumbed to the lure of OD+, to the want, and in some cases need, to keep the diary and keep themselves sane in some way. It was more than I could take. This morning I ordered Duncan off to the Post Office with strict instructions to send a money order. Only apparently you can’t do that from our Post Office and it cost too much to transfer funds from the bank. His solution? To let me charge the subscription to his credit card. I now exist in two places, but only for a short while. In time my OD diary will cease to be. I will do my best to keep it here, but I can’t guarantee anything. Instead I exist on OD+ as perfect circle. Everything is pretty much the same. I will not sit there quietly and in awe, I will continue as I am now and join ::blueberry marcus in infiltrating from the inside. To everyone past and present I have only thanks. I hope you can join me at the new place, but otherwise there is email (perfect-circle@opendiary.com or m_fyles@yahoo.co.uk) as well as icq, yahoo messenger, aol and msn messenger (all on the front of the diary)

The first part of the entry was what I posted over on my OD (free, I guess I should add to that. Excuse me, it will take a while to get used to this).

I thought long and hard about this. I almost deleted the whole thing and said to hell with it. But there’s a part of me that is not ready to lay down and die just yet. That part of me is called perfect circle, and she has lived for almost two years now. It’s weird/sad/strange (delete as applicable) to see myself as two entities – schizophrenic, a psychiatrist might say, but I do. Perfect Circle is a braver, more open, honest person. She doesn’t care what you may think of her, and she won’t shy away from telling you what she thinks either. But me, the real me? Without perfect circle I would not be where I am today. I wouldn’t have Duncan, my flat, the greatest friends in the world. So it seemed a little sad to give her a premature death.

There are parts of the perfect circle persona that intrinsically me, but there are parts that even my mother would be surprised at. Not many people know both. Duncan does, because with him I can both me and perfect circle (damn it, perfy or pc for short in future!) but there aren’t many others that I deal with daily who can say the same thing. Weird eh?

For those new, and not so new, a recap. I’m a temp working in hell after being made redundant from my researcher position with a web site; I want to write fiction more than anything in the world and am currently working on a number of ideas for stories/articles; I’m a witch – not wiccan, but a witch (there is a subtle difference); I am settled with the greatest guy in the world (according to me, you may differ but still) called Duncan, a South African living in the UK, with me, in our cosy little flat; I suffer from polycystic ovarian syndrome and am terrified that one day I may not be able to have kids and my favourite band is REM. I think that covers it all. (why is it that no matter how much I type I still seem to have loads of characters left?)

I’m off to settle in to my new home.

Until there is a next time…

xx