Hey boy, hey girl

First of all, the proud mummy thing. I’ve uploaded some more photos of Zoe here http://www.flickr.com/photos/86124345@N00/ go take a look. (Well, you don’t have to if you don’t want to, I won’t be offended!)

Since 2 weeks, I’ve had to take Zoe to clinic every week because she lost almost a pound in her first 12 days and took until 5 weeks to put it back on, a little longer than normal. So every Tuesday we’ve had to go round the corner (luckily our doctors is just round the corner) and get her weighed. Zoe doesn’t like it, who would? Being stripped naked and placed on a cold metal scales with a piece of scratchy paper between you and the coldness. It doesn’t sound like fun (and it’s no fun getting her undressed either, it’s almost as if she knows what’s coming and is refusing it as much as possible by waving arms and legs around to hinder the undressing process.) Anyway, as much as we hate it, clinic is a source of amusement for me in what can be an otherwise boring day. (She’s putting on weight now fine, btw, I have no idea where it all goes cos everyone’s always telling me she’s so small but she eats like it’s her last flipping meal). We last went just over a week ago for weighing and our 6 week checks. (What a joke and waste of time that was for me. Doc asked me how I felt about my labour. I said I understand why I’d had the c-section but I wish it hadn’t come to that. She looks at me and says, "Oh, you had a section? Why?" Did you not read the notes?!) Not only did we have to strip down in an unheated room but it was packed cos it was half term so there were plenty of toddlers and upwards running around screaming and snatching toys. Charmers. The kid I was sat next to kept trying to grab Zoe’s head, his mother was telling her mate about how October 30th was a bank holiday (for those not in the UK, it’s not) and her friend believed her, a woman came and sat on the chair the other side of me and actually sat on my leg. I had to move over and give her half of my seat as well. And to cap it all, we’ve come away with stinking colds and poor Zoe sounds like a pig trying to sleep at night, grunting away because she can’t breathe properly and there’s nothing I can do. The other thing that gets on my nerves is the way I’m treated because I’m breastfeeding. As well as being called "the one who is breastfeeding" (out of a room of 15/20 women, I can’t surely be the only one!), I am almost congratulated on a weekly basis for still doing it. Now, I grant you, it’s hard work and I’ve considering giving her a bottle on a number of occasions, just for a rest, but surely other women in the area have made it to 6 weeks breastfeeding? I’ve always seen it as a complete normal, natural thing to do and yet it seems not to be, at least not round here. I find that strange.

So she’s 8 weeks old in a couple of days and is developing her own little personality (one that involves looking slightly puzzled most of the time, as if to say, "What are you doing? Do you know what you’re doing?") and it has got easier. She’s started self settling in the evenings so we’re no longer running up and down the stairs every 10 minutes to comfort her. She’s slipped into her own little routine of eating, sleeping and staring. I can’t seem to get her interested in her toys too much (although I’m not sure if that’s normal or if I’m expecting too much) but I do read to her every day now (well, would you expect anything less of me?) We’re reading The House At Pooh Corner in the evenings and in the afternoon we look at our picture books. I worry that she’s bored sometimes but she seems so content. Our plan for this week is to convince her that an afternoon nap is a good idea at 1ish rather than sleeping from 4 till 6 and then going to bed between 7 and 8.

However, after 8 weeks, I’m starting to feel a little one dimensional, like all I talk and think about is Zoe. Which is of course, normal, it’s not like I’m doing much else beyond caring for her at the moment. But I’m starting to feel understimulated and bored myself. I always thought I’d like be at home all day and I do still want to be a stay at home mum rather than going back to work in March, but I’ve gotta admit, I’m a little bored. The main problem is, I’m bored but not sure what I can be doing about it. I can’t really commit to a class or something like that (and I think most of them start in September, so I’m too late) The Bookcrossing Unconvention is slowly coming together but it’s not enough at the moment (and by the time there is loads of work, I’ll be back at work).

Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mum, and I finally feel that bond with Zoe that Duncan had from moment one. I wouldn’t take any of it back but I can almost feel my brain becoming mush.

Until there is a next time…

xx