Grace Kelly

Yesterday was my birthday. My 30th birthday. I’m still not entirely sure how I feel about that number. I know, it’s just a number, you’re as old as you feel, etc, etc, but still, it’s a pretty significant number for some reason. I don’t feel 30 (although some mornings, when Zoe’s been in our bed for the night and I’ve had to sleep in one position all night, I feel about 60), most of the time I feel about 20. 30 strikes me as being an age of responsibility, grownupness and the like and I still don’t feel entirely ready for that. Does anyone ever feel ready for it though?

I had a good day, despite being woken up at ridiculous times during the night and at 6am. Duncan took the day off work and after present opening (Duncan got me a chain with an heart-shaped amethyst on, Green Wing dvds, a new REM t-shirt and a box of Lush goodies, Zoe got me a CSI Miami book and I was also given more Lush stuff, more books, vouchers for Waterstones, cash, more smellies, chocolates, REM cd and a new top) we had a relaxing morning. We went out for lunch in Newcastle, eventually choosing a curry place after we realised the seafood place we were going to go to had steps so we couldn’t have gotten the pushchair in. It’s disturbing the amount of places I’m now restricted from lunching in because I have a baby. You’d think there’d be a lot more choice but still. We took a bottle of expressed milk for Zoe in case she got hungry, which of course she did (4-month growth spurt right now, which includes 2-3 night wakings. It’s a new form of torture!) but she wouldn’t take more than an ounce from the bottle so I had to feed her in the restaurant. This is something I’ve never felt comfortable doing (my own body hang ups rather than anything else) but I had to. She had a quick feed and then was content to watch us eat and, apart from staff, the restaurant was empty so I didn’t feel as self-conscious as I thought I would. However, it’s not something I want to repeat on a regular basis. After lunch, Duncan picked up a giant birthday cookie for me to stand as my cake and we went home for a relaxing afternoon at home. I got a nice call from my dad in the evening and a few text messages from people but was disappointed my mum didn’t bother to ring. In the end, I went to bed at 9pm. How pathetic is that? 30 and in bed by 9pm.

Zoe is still wonderful but hard work. She won’t nap for more than 30 minutes at a time during the day, which doesn’t leave me a lot of time to get things done. She also needs to be constantly entertained so it’s not like I can put the dinner on while she’s playing happily for 5-10 minutes, she needs me to entertain her. I’m finding it very hard work and very tiring at times but then she has the most gorgeous smile and giggle and can be forgiven for pretty much anything. So, as much as it’s hard work, I wouldn’t swap her for anything and I dread my return to work in April. I can’t imagine leaving her with anyone (other than Duncan obviously) for more than an hour or two.

Until there is a next time…

xx