Electron Blue

I’m off to see REM tonight!!! Can you tell I’m really looking forward to it? I’m trying to forget that I have to come to work tomorrow on the back of five hours sleep, or that I won’t get home till 2am and I’m terrified that someone will have broken in whilst I’m out. If I ignore all of that, I’m very excited. I have wristbands and everything!

Duncan’s been in Ireland since Sunday morning. Apparently it’s not too bad. He seems to be going out and drinking a lot. I, on the other hand, can’t sleep cos the bed feels empty and when the alarm goes off, I find myself on his side of the bed, as if I’d be searching for him in the night. But he comes home on Friday night and we have the whole weekend to ourselves. I’ve settled nicely into married life, it’s not that different really, I just get to call him hubby instead of boyfriend or fiance (which never really sounded right). If I could just get him to remember his wedding ring after he’s showered every morning, we’d be on to a winner.

I’m feeling massively ambivilant to work. The post-holiday high vanished rather quickly and the soul-sucking reality settled back down. I feel trapped, stuck here and unable to move. I love my job so much but ffs, there’s so much crap on TV these days. I am so sick of subtitling chav freaks on Trisha. Plus I just feel that I’m going nowhere, treading water in the company. Part of me wants to leave. I’ve been here over 2 years now, the longest full-time job I’ve ever had, but I’m going nowhere and there is nowhere for me to go. The team leader thing has turned into a mild fiasco with the start date continually put back and the successfully promoted being made to go to Sunderland for an evening class in being a team leader. Which is weird as in the interview, they stressed how little it would actually effect day to day work and how really it was just an admin position. So I want to leave but can’t and don’t at the same time. I don’t want to leave really and I know that, practically, I can’t really. Not if we want to buy a house, not if I want a job that’s going to give me some flexibility once/if/when (delete as applicable) we have kids. At least I know here I can come back part time, be useful in other ways than pure subtitling. But right now, I feel trapped.

Until there is a next time…

xx