Burning hell

‘Watch it count down to the end of the day’ Linkin Park – In the end

I have my new shoes on and am dressed pretty much in grey and black. I’m sat in a quiet office, not on company time, I don’t start until 8:30 these days, and I feel like I’m back at school. The computer is too big, the mouse sticks, the keyboard is old. It’s not like my litte new computer. I want that back. I don’t want to be here.

I now have to settle myself into the new regime (and trust me, regime is the right word here). I won’t do a spot of work before 8:30 or after 5pm, and I certainly won’t be answering my phone during my lunch break. The traffic in the morning is a nightmare, too many tractors, slow moving vehicles and people generally. I don’t think I got much above 50mph the whole way here. I now park 10 minutes from the office, in a dodgy backstreet, not well used by anyone other than drug dealers and prostitutes (ok so the last part could be an exaggeration, but this is Middlesbrough after all!). I hope it’s in one piece when I get back there this evening.

To mark the ‘new school’ feeling, I have a new work attitude.. “F**k them”. It may not be the right attitude to have, but trust me, it’s the one I have now. Work will be done slower, still by deadline, but even slower than before, if that’s possible. I will listen, smile and nod politely when they talk, but generally I will take little notice. The sooner I am out of here, the better. I feel slightly paranoid, I don’t trust them not to have checked out my pc drives whilst I’ve been off.

Behind the picture of my sisters (only that, and the thought that I can leave here at 5pm, take 90 minutes to get home, but ultimately go home to Duncan, keeps me sane) sits my mobile. It’s not supposed to be on, but tough. The job application deadline was Friday. I can only hope, pray and cross my fingers that in the next couple of days I will get an email or a phone call, inviting me for an interview. Maybe there is hope I can get out of here.

But what worries me, what eats away at me in the back of my mind is… what is to stop me feeling this way about another job in a few months time? I don’t think I’m cut out for a daily routine, I don’t think my Aquarius, independent, free-thinking side likes it very much.

Until there is a next time…

xx