Bring me to life

‘When your day is long’ REM – Everybody hurts

I feel I should write. It’s, as ever, been a while. But then these days there doesn’t seem to be much to say. Sometimes when I’m bored I come here and hit random until I find something interesting to read. They always seem to be depressing entries, but then looking back over my diary, the same could be said. Do we only write frequently when we have something to pour out? I used to write daily when I was a teenager. Notebooks filled with daily entries. But then I was a teenager and everything that happened each day had to be analysed, looked at from different angles and turned over a hundred times to understand it, to get everything out of it, to make sure I hadn’t missed something of vital importance. Life seemed so hard then, less simple and yet now I know it was probably the most simple time. I had to go to school, study (if I really wanted to, cos let’s face it, it wasn’t compulsary to pass your exams. I could have failed and done nothing with my life instead) and hang out with my friends. We made it that much harder for ourselves when we should have enjoyed it for what it was.

I love winter and dislike it at the same time. Right now I feel in hibernation mode. I’m sure I must be a bear or a tortoise or something. To curl up in bed and sleep until spring would be heavenly, although I’d miss things like my birthday and christmas which I love. But it wouldn’t be so cold. It seems colder this year, the wind seems to creep into our flat much worse than it ever did. I have a terrible ache in my back and I just know it’s from sitting in a drafty room on the computer (so being here and writing this doesn’t really help!)

I’ve been looking for presents for Duncan. What do you get someone who claims he doesn’t want anything? It’s so annoying. We’re going shopping next Thursday (long awaited day off for me) to get other people’s presents and spend some money on ourselves. The money comes courtesy of BT who have done something right for once in their life. Duncan worked his day off for four weeks out of five and was given £150 worth of vouchers. Which works out at £50 each plus £50 for presents. I shall be spending most, if not all of mine, in Waterstones. I can’t wait, but I also have no clue what to buy. I’m used to hunting out second hand books on ebay and in the market not running riot for new books, brand new books that no-one’s read before, that no-one’s cracked the spine on. I know I shall stand in Waterstones and deliberate for at least 30 minutes.

Everything else is OK. No wedding plans made because we can’t, no arguing parents, yet. But we did ask Duncan’s mum to come over for the party and offered to pay for her flights and put her up, which she has accepted. Now if only my dad can stay sober for one evening…

Until there is a next time…

xx