A Hard Day’s Night

I get the feeling, most days, that I’m just chasing my tail and not really accomplishing anything. And, tbh, I’m not sure how to break this cycle, if I even can.

Since leaving work, it’s been quite the whirlwind of social occasions for Zoe – plenty of soft play, seeing friends, toddler groups and days out in the area. It’s hard work keeping a toddler entertained some days. And, when I’m not entertaining her, we’ve been potty training. We’re on day seven now and, through absolutely nothing to do with me, it’s been a breeze. We had one small accident on the first morning (and that was really only half an accident cos we got on the potty halfway through) and one accident on Sunday, but other than that, accident free, and we’ve been out and about the last few days. It’s been lovely to not have to worry about nappies and either taking loads with me for a day out or not being able to do impromptu things because I don’t have any nappies with me and she’ll need a change. It’s nice not to have to do all that washing as well.

I’ve also been working, trying to get my 4 hours a day and not feel guilty about doing them during the day. I’ve been trying so hard to avoid doing them in the evening, and eating up into my time with Duncan, that I also feel guilty about doing them during the day. I generally do one hour in the morning, whilst Zoe eats breakfast and watches some tv, an hour or so in the afternoon (again, she’s watching tv) and then in the evening, when Duncan’s home. So, yeah, common theme there, she’s watching tv whilst I work. Now, granted, if we’re in, she’d be watching that tv, no matter what, so it’s not like I’m forcing her to watch something (like you need to force a toddler to watch tv anyway!). But still, the mother guilt is there. Cos that’s all motherhood is really, guilt, followed by guilt with a side order of anxiety and guilt. Why do I want to do this again?

Speaking of which, I saw my new consultant last week. He was lovely. Nothing wrong with Duncan’s tests and mine were good, considering my pcos. He decided that the first course of action was for me to lose weight. Just as I was about to cry on him that I struggled so much to lose even a pound, he gave me a prescription for metformin, which is often used as a diabetic treatment but increasingly in pcos women to help balance things out. I’m building up the dose and, right now, it’s making me feel rubbish, which is pretty normal. Clearly it helps with weight loss because I’m so off food that the thought of eating sometimes makes me nauseous. Anyway, fingers crossed it does the trick. I have to go back in 2 months time and if I’ve lost weight but still not got my cycles back to normal, then I can have clomid. It’s a good plan, which I’m happy with, and it’s better than I expected (to be told to lose weight and come back when I do)

I’m still not close to be sorted for Edinburgh on Friday, for the UK Bookcrossing Unconvention. Apparently, I’m one of the committee, but, I don’t feel like I’ve really done anything over the last 12 months. I won’t be doing this again, which I know I say every year, but this really is it. I don’t have time for all the things in my life at the moment, without adding more into it. I barely have time to study, it’s no wonder my essay feels disjointed and just, well, wrong, it’s weeks at a time between writing it. *sigh* I need more hours in the day, or maybe just less on my plate.

Until there is a next time…
xx