Waiting and waiting and waiting…

Well, it looks like it’s going to be even longer before we can have a baby.

Hubby and I talked for a long time last night, and apparently our current plan is putting WAY too much pressure on him. Since we were planning to start trying once he finds a new job, he basically feels like he’s holding up our lives because he’s taking a long time.

We both agreed that we would be more comfortable if I was the one controlling the timeline–I like to have control of everything, and he doesn’t like to feel solely responsible when there’s a problem, so it just works out better. So I’m going to get myself in shape and get at least a little bit of school finished before we can start trying.

Of course, I can’t start school until I know where we’re going to be living, and that depends on hubby finding a job, but whatever. It stresses him out less this way.

I feel like crying. I feel like I’m never actually going to get to have a baby.

Hubby’s best friend and his wife are having a baby in a couple months. They had no intention of trying, except that when they heard that hubby and I were trying (last summer), they decided that they would, too. And it took them a month of trying, and they got pregnant.

I feel like a horrible person admitting that I’m not 100% happy for them. I think it’s mostly because of the fact that it only took them a month. They barely even had to think about "trying." And also, I don’t know that he’s ready to be a dad. He still seems to me like a kid, and doesn’t seem to have a concept that some of his obsessions (video games, etc.–he plays them for hours a day) will need to take a backseat to the baby. The baby is due in 10 weeks, and he just bought 3 more games.

I know I need to get over this thing where I judge whether other people will be good parents. It will probably be good for him, and hopefully it will make him grow up quickly. I guess it’s just the feeling that they’re no more ready than we are.

Some days I wish I could just have an oops…

thisisn'tme

March 20, 2007

It doesn’t sound like your husbands friend and his wife are having a baby for the right reason. Because their friends were trying wasn’t a good enough reason for them to start. I’m sorry you’re having to put it on hold but just remember that you’ll be able to offer your baby a better life if you wait a while. Try to be happy for your friends but no one is expecting you to be 100% happy!

corban

🙂 I like “oops’s”. You can never be complete prepared for a child, becoming parents will throw you into all kinds of strange, out-of-your control, unexpected, unprepared for, circumstances that you can never be ready for. They just have to happen. To me, pregnancy is the same way, deciding to become a family means giving up birth control. Maybe I’m biased because I didnt plan either child…

I was on the pill both times, and whatever, I got pregnant anyway.

RYN: Now I understand. That’s tough to have those issues. My prayers are with you and hubbie.

*Hope2BAMom*

You are not a horrible person for not being 100% happy. Imagine what it feels like for me & about a thousand other people who have been trying (unsucessfully) & have some sort of infertility issues to see what seems like everyone else around them getting pregnant. A few weeks ago I found out that my cousin is pregnant..she just got married so her’s was a honeymoon conception. I was very blunt withher when I told her that at this point I can’t be happy for her. I don’t wish anything bad to happen but sometimes it’s not fair (and we all know life isn’t fair) that here I’ve been married for practically 4 years & have been TTC for going on 16 months & to find out that my tubes are blocked & I may have to go thru IVF that my cousin who hasn’t even been married 2 months is pregnant. Not only that at one point there were 14 women at my work pregnant, so it seemed like the universe was working against me. I would say it gets easier but the fact remains it doesn’t. You can only wish them the best but it’s not always the same. In other words..I understand how you feel. *hugs* 🙂

avelina

It’s hard to see others get pregnant so quickly while we sit waiting and watching them get what we want so badly. You aren’t a horrible person. (((hugs)))

faithfully

An oops would be fun huh! Eh, you never know. NOTHING is impossible with our God. NOTHING. 🙂

Loser.

March 21, 2007

Things will fall into place for you and you’ll have your baby. 🙂 Just don’t expect all of your ducks to be lined up in a nice neat little row before you start trying, because that’s just not realistic. Like one of your other notes says, you can never be completely prepared. *hugs*

RYN: Yea, that was the idea. Share the story in hopes that it helps someone else. Thanks for your notes.