Intolerance

I had a long talk with my sister yesterday, and we talked about my mom and her intolerance for religion. It frustrates both of us.

My mom says she has no need in her life for religion, and that’s fine with me–it’s totally her decision. But I don’t know what to do about the fact that becoming a Christian is about the worst thing for one of her kids to do. If any of us mentions wanting to go to church, or anything at all, she acts like we’re betraying her.

My sister told my mom that she was going to join a bible study group. My mom freaked out at her about it, and only calmed down once my sister told her that the group meets on friday nights, and they don’t drink.

It’s very frustrating for me, because although I’m still working out the particulars of my faith, I’ve known for quite a while that I love and believe in God. And I know I can never talk to her about it. I love my mom, and I usually talk to her about everything, so it’s very weird to keep such an important part of my life a secret.

I know it’s really easy to say, if she doesn’t understand, then distance myself from her, but that’s not what I want. My mom is one of the people I admire most, and I would hate for her not to be a big part of my life. I don’t really want to be like her, but I think there’s a lot she can teach me. She’s very successful and good at her job, does a lot of charity work (real work, not just donating money), and in most ways is a genuinely good person.

But for some reason, when she has an opinion about something, she can’t stand for anyone else to have a different opinion. Even about stupid things. I agonized for months about whether I was going to change my name when I got married, until I suddenly realized that the ONLY reason I had for not changing it was that my mom would be mad about it. She’s just like that. Since she didn’t change her name, she thinks no one should.

I fully respect the fact that she does not want to go to church, and no one is asking her to. But I have such a hard time with the fact that she has such an opinion one way or the other about what I do. No matter how many times we tell her that the Jerry Falwells of the world do NOT represent most Christians, that’s still what she thinks. If I told her I wanted to raise my kids going to church, she would assume (no matter how many times I told her otherwise) that my children would grow up racist, homophobic, etc. I don’t know why she’s that way.

I just wonder sometimes how much of a Christian I can really be if I’m afraid to talk about my faith. I don’t believe in trying to "convert" people, but I also don’t believe that I should have to be ashamed of what I believe. I honestly don’t know if this will ever get any better.

Ades

March 9, 2007

its true that theres a lot of hypocrisy and corruption involved in so called christian religions these days, so i can see what your mom is thinking. Good for you for wanting to see past that all and do your own searching. Just remember that if a religion does not follow the bible, then its not a true christian religion.

precious butterflies

There are many types of religions. Your mom is just pig-headed where she only accepts her opinions as being right. I bet that is hard to live with. Just do your thing, live your life and not your mom’s. Don’t distance yourself from her, just tell her that this is what you want and ya’ll dont have to talk about it. It’s not the end of the world. (*(*HUGS*)*) I hope it works out! <3

xo, Rock

What type of background or culture do you come from, that your mom would practically condemn you for having your own beliefs? I was just curious, because obviously its really hard to tell just by reading someone, unless they flat out say it. =]

faithfully

I really believe the opposite. Be close to her. Live your life in a way that she comes to know Christ and all that He can do for her, through you. Show her a life that’s happier, blessed, graced, and full of His mercy… Our job as christians are to be lights unto the world… maybe this is your “mission” or purpose… live in a way that makes her go, I want that. 🙂

oops grammar check- “IS” to be, not “are” to be… haha

corban

March 11, 2007

Part of moving forward with our lives involves redeveloping our relationships to better suit who we are as adults. I had to learn to say “Mom, what you are saying right now is hurting me. It feels like you are attacking who I am, and I cant listen. We can either hang up the phone, or change the subject.” It’s really hard, but to helped me become my own person by doing this.

And I agree with ‘faithfully’ here. Jesus preached forgiveness love and non-judgement. I wouldnt try preaching to her, but I would be open and ready with answers when she asks you questions, because she probably will, IF she understands that it is a choice you’ve made, that you have no desire to ram it down her throat and you will not allow her to condone you for being your own person.

And, one more thing…we can all sometimes get contorted opinions on the way things are for whatever reasons, usually from our past experiences. If you focus on your love for her, and wanting to understand why she is like this, perhaps she will give you indicators now and then of why. Just pray for her, I guess. I talk too much.

Slightly Perfect

March 14, 2007

Maybe your mom has had bad experiences with religion, or maybe she doesn’t want to see you get hurt the day you realize it’s all make-believe and that you’re believing in something you hope to be true to avoid something else. The latter could be something she’s gone through. It may be a type of maternal protection. Maybe it’s a mixture of both.

she is mommalicious

March 23, 2007

talking about your faith is something that comes in time..