Frazzled

My girl is back to normal. She still has a tiny fever, but is acting completely like herself. This morning she was bouncing all over the living room and shouting "I being a tigger!!"

But I’m not back to normal at all. I can’t stop picturing her in the middle of her seizure. I can’t stop with the "what if" questions….what if she had had the seizure in her bed when I wasn’t there? What if it had happened while she was eating and she choked? Basically what if we weren’t incredibly lucky that nothing serious happened? And what if it happens again? One in three kids who have a febrile seizure will have another one.

I’m a mess. I’m trying to get a huge paper written this week for class, and I can’t concentrate (not to mention that I lost an entire day of studying while I was in the ER). It just feels completely irrelevant to be thinking about the freaking Roman Empire when two days ago I was in the hospital with my daughter. 

I’m exhausted to the point that I’m getting sick. I can’t sleep well. When I do finally fall asleep, I keep waking up and thinking that I hear her making noises.

The one thing that I’m handling well during this is that I’m getting in my workouts. I have a lot of nervous energy to burn! So at least I’m getting healthy while I’m freaking out.

I just feel like I don’t know how to go back to normal. I know that febrile seizures are not uncommon (1 in 25 kids will have one). I know that there are far worse things that could happen. So why is this affecting me so much?