Update with perhaps a bit of TMI***

Tomorrow I go to the cardiologist for tests to see if my heart is well enough to get through the surgery. I am hoping she will do the tests right then and there but the odds are I will have to back to her or someone else. {I DO  try not to be cynical, I really do, but more tests mean more money, right?}

I have had several tests done on my heart in the past. The one that required the most effort was the treadmill which I DID pass but it took a lot of encouragement before the end! The last one I had was the one where the heart is stressed medically which I found very interesting. There were lots of assurances that if I felt uncomfortable or ill in any way that they would stop immediately. But actually all I felt was that my heart "jumped" and then went on normally except faster. This was an interesting test because I got to watch what was happening on a screen. I LOVE tests where I can see what is going on! Well, perhaps "love" is the wrong word for the barium enema tests I had a while ago. BUT, I did get to see how convoluted some of my internal organs are!

The other thing I am thinking about a lot is what will happen if my heart is deemed not strong enough for me to have this surgery. There is a "maybe" polyp which may or may not be cancerous which so far is not able to be reached at all except by this surgery. In addition, there is also a part of my colon, another part, in which there seems to be "an infection" or something not diagnosable except by getting in there, apparently… {Apparently, this colon damage was probably caused by the radiation I had when the uterine cancer was removed in 20000.}

Well, whatever it is, I guess I will learn to cope. I am coping with my bowel problems right now  with diet } {I can give you TMI but really don’t want to right now… } 

Anyway, my choices are live or die. I am choosing to live right now. But I do understand that dieing is an option…

An emotion is only an emotion.

It’s just a small part of your whole being.

You are much more than your emotion.

An emotion comes, stays for a while, and goes away, just like a storm.

If you’re aware of that, you won’t be afraid of your emotions.

~Thich Nhat Hanh

If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment. — Marcus Aurelius