Talking to La Prof
Today I am going to have to do something very difficult. I am going to have to tell "la prof" that I don’t have all my work done. Don’t laugh! Anyone who has read me for any length of time knows I am the Super Student. I always have my work done. I do over and above my assignments actually. For example, we very often have comprehension questions in Italian. If the book says write true or false I not only do this but I rewrite the false statement to make it true. {Or sometimes, for variety, if the question is true, I write that and as an exercise I rewrite the sentence to make it false. 
} But this last week and a half, I have slacked off. I seem to have lost interest. No, that is not totally true. I don’t have Italian as my first priority at the moment.
Tomorrow at 10 am I go to the orthopedist and that is very much on my mind. First, I am hovering on the edge of the "Every pain I have is cancer coming back" loop. I am not quite there yet because if I was, I would be back to using Ativan again. But the thought is there. {If you don’t understand this reasoning, I have had two primary cancers already.} I am also being dragged down by this constant albeit mostly low-level pain. I feel it as I am sitting here doing noting more than type.Every time I turn over onto my left side during the night, the pain wakes me up. If I sit for longer than a few minutes, the pain peaks excruciatingly as I start to move.
But the worst part of this is that I can no longer take walks and that is having a very bad effect on me in two ways. First, I am gaining weight. But more importantly, I can feel the ghost of clinical depression hovering. I am not imagining these feelings. What I am on the edge of dropping back into is the Pit of clinical depression. I know that place. I have been there. I got out though medication and talk therapy. I stayed out through talk therapy and through walking. And now, I can’t walk any distance at all. I start out and the pain gets worse and worse. Then I limp and lurch around trying not to hurt myself any more. Yes, I can walk around the house. But I can’t take a walk outside at a pace that will help me.
So, how do I explain this to la prof without bursting into tears which is what I am doing as I write this…
QUOTATIONS FOR THIS MONTH: Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Mark Twain
I don’t think about risks much. I just do what I want to do. If you gotta go, you gotta go.
Lillian Carter
Get your own countdown at BlingyBlob.com
Ci vedo dopo…. see you later…
Hugs
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saw this on recent entries. i feel so much for you. chronic pain can take a real toll on a person’s body as well as their mental state. i hope the orthopedist will be able to find some way to help you through it.
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(((hugs))) I know how debilitating chronic pain can be. It distracts you from your life and sucks you in. I hope your doctor can recommend a solution that is more permanent. Wish I could help. And there’s no reason to explain any of this to the teacher. Just an “I have some personal problems going on right now” (if that much) is sufficient.
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Starting over is right, there is no need to explain everything to La Prof. She knows that you are a star pupil so you must have a good reason for not completing your work. I am so sorry about the pain you are in. Limping and lurching around the house is where I was at last year, for a year and a half in fact. So I know that is depressing. Hang in there, Patricia. You will come out of that pain. I’m sending healing thoughts your way. ((((hugs))))
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The teacher knows that you are an extremely good student, and she also knows how unusual this is for you. Just explain that several things are bothering you significantly, and that your health concerns are really taking a toll on you physically and mentally. She *will* understand. *hugs*
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I’m sorry for the pain. I have what sounds like a much lower level of pain, just enough to remind me that I’m not 30 anymore, just enough to scare me about what might be down the road, and to motivate me all the more, to exercise and try to stave it all off. I know you’ve done everything you can to be healthy, and I hope the doctor is able to help you.
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*hugs*
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I can imagine how you are feeling–that fear of recurring cancer. I have cancer now..a rare blood cancer. I did NOT get a remission with my StemCell Transplant, but I am on oral medication. It is keeping the C at bay until they come up with a better treatment. Every different feeling inside my body…I worry it’s the C! You survived your other C’s, and so I can imagine anything painful inside yourbody would bring worry. I hope you can rely back on the methods you used before to get through this. Hopefully after your appointment tomorrow you will have some answers. You are strong-so hit whatever comes to you HEAD ON. Be a Warrior. I will put you on my daily prayer list for healing. I hate that you are experiencing this…but you will get through this. I know you will.
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Oh Patrisha, I’m so sorry that you’re pain is getting worse and is really affecting your lifestyle. I too live with chronic pain and it’s no fun. I’m sending good wishes your way in the hopes that your orthopedic dr. can help. Stay strong my friend. Huge hugs, M
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I am sorry to read that you aren’t up to par. Talk to your Prof and if you burst into tears it is ok. You are human with feelings and pain. I hope you are feeling better soon. keep thinking of your trip to Italy!
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Oh sweetheart! You’re definitely in my thoughts and prayers, and I too am hoping your doctor can help you. And if OD is anything close to ‘talk therapy’ for you … use it!
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I wish you weren’t hurting so badly. If I could help, I would.
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I’m sure La Prof will understand… you don’t need to tell her everything if you don’t want to – she’s your teacher, not your shrink… saying a prayer for you sweety (huggles)
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Sounds like an awful time for you and I do hope you can get it all sorted and back to walking soon.
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There’d be no shame in bursting into tears, honestly. But if you want to make sure you don’t, you could give it to her in writing instead, or over the phone. After all, it IS personal, so worth either a phone call or letter/email, if that’s more comfortable for you. hugs, Weesprite
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Nothing is worse than being in pain and having it run your life. I think your professor will understand. If you can’t make it to class because it is to far to walk, she will understand. You have a different circumstance in that you are not taking this class for a career, you are taking it because you are eager to learn Italian. That alone will show her that you are seriously in pain. Good luck
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Just tell her you’re suffering through some pain, and leave it at that. She should understand.
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I guess I’m too late but could you send her an email? or give her a note saying that you’ll talk to her about it another day when you are feeling stronger but for the moment she just needs to trust your word that you cannot talk about it today? I’m sure that even if you just tell her that you couldn’t get you work done for various personal reasons she will believe you. she knows that you are super student. I hope you get some relief from your pain quickly. doing anything at all is very difficult when you are in pain and with the worry of cancer and depression, then it is not hard to see why you are struggling for the moment. sending you hugs.
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I’m so sorry that you’re in so much pain. I understand what you’re saying about gaining weight. Since I hurt my knee I haven’t been allowed to go walking and my weight is slowly coming off (thanks to not eating much, which I can’t anyway), but I miss the walking. I hope that your doctor will find out what’s going on and help. Maybe a steroid shot?
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*hugs*
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Oh, my dear lady…I’m SO SORRY…I pray your Orthopedist has something in his bag o’tricks that can help you. I wish I could come up there and help!!! {{{{{HUGS}}}}},
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I am sorry you are having these problems. But I am quite certain of your resourcefulness in overcoming them. I know I live far away now but I do think of you and Fred often. Spring is almost here!
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🙁 I hope it gets sorted soon.
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