Panic Attack and Other Things*

EDIT: My fire alarm kept going off so I took my phone and went outside and called the office. I was told they are doing fire alarm tests.  I informed the guy who answered the phone that there was no doubt that mine worked…

Yesterday I looked on the map at where I had to drive to to see the new  doctor and before I could talk myself out of it, I had an all-out, honest-to-God panic attack complete with shortness of breath, hyperventilating and dizziness. I was quite surprised after the event how swiftly it happened. Since there is nothing wrong with either my heart or lungs, as soon as I started this, I realized what it was, talked myself down and eventually calmed down. But I am somewhat worried that this might happen again while I am driving there tomorrow so I emailed Jake and asked him if he could take me. It is very short notice so he may not be able to . He says he will let me know when he drops by this evening on his way from work. He was coming over anyway to bring me the money I had put in his account so if the furniture and car arrived before I got to NC he would have money to pay for it if it was over estimate. I am planning to open a local checking account somewhere. starting with this money.

And I have decided that  if I do feel panicky tomorrow, I will get a cab. Actually, I don’t expect I will panic if I have to drive myself. The problem about giving in to the fear that I might panic is that I am encouraging panic attacks. I am well aware that for me although they affect my body negatively, they are actually all in my head. And, as I have mentioned a few times before, *I* am boss of what is in my head! it is not that I wouldn’t take medication if I needed to; it is that I want to stave off the medication as long as I can.

Goals for today:

• Start a beef stew in the crock pot.
• Open boxes. {I have done quite well with this today having already opened three and put the stuff away. Of course, I have to admit that the stuff inside them was mostly papers which are easy to put away or throw away. One thing I was delighted to find is the spare battery for my cell phone. I knew it was wrapped in bubble-wrap in the drawer of my computer desk but I didn’t know which box that stuff had been put into. It turned out to be a box marked art supplies!  Anyway, going back to the phone, it hasn’t failed yet but I can see it is going to. In the last few days it has shown signs of needing to be recharged by the end of the day whereas before that, it would go two days easily without needing to be recharged.

Goals for next week:

• Open a local checking account. {I may get to that this week.}
• Find an ophthalmologist.
• Continue opening boxes.

Goals for the near future:

• Get all these boxes opened and out of the way!

Fear not for the future, weep not for the past.

Percy Bysshe Shelley (1792-1822) English Poet

Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.

– Oscar Wilde

Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone. ~Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers}