Moving On
- Somehow there is a minute amount of glitter on my desk and keyboard.
I have no idea where it came from but it looks festive! - I was really frightened to go to Shaw’s grocery this morning because that was where I had such trouble with my breathing that I had to go to the emergency room. I was quite aware that it had nothing to do with the grocery store, but nevertheless, I had to FORCE myself to go. And I did it.
There was a point where my breathing got a bit shaky but I kept calm and forced myself to breath normally and it went away. So, I am pleased with myself AND I have got some much-needed groceries! - Tomorrow I go for the first session of talk therapy.
- Next Monday I go for a pharmacological stress test of my heart. I have to be caffeine-free and to have not eaten for four hours before the test which is at 11 am. I am a bit nervous about this. My last stress test was on a treadmill which was stressful enough although I could ask them to turn it off if I was TOO stressed. What do I do if the stress induced by drugs gets to be too much for me? Well, I guess I will be told. If I am not told, I will ask. I remember on the treadmill test I was getting very close to asking the tech to turn it off. She said I had one and a half minutes left and I glued my eyes to the clock and made it!
- I think it is interesting that I woke up this morning feeling much less "down" in my mind. I am quite sure it is because I have realized that I don’t have the whole burden of dealing with whatever-it-is that is wrong with me. Steps have been taken to find out what this is and what can be done about it. I have some support.
- The prescription for Celexa I was given last week was filled today. I have taken an SSRI drug before and I know it doesn’t kick in immediately but I am considering not taking it. If I can come away from the edge of the depression pit by doing something myself rather than by drug taking, I would prefer that. So, I will hold off a couple of days and see how I am.
So let us not be blind to our differences, but let us also direct attention to our common interests and the means by which those differences can be resolved. And if we cannot end now our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity. For in the final analysis, our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children’s futures. And we are all mortal.
– John F. Kennedy
I don’t blame you for wanting to find your way out of depression without the celexa. I mean, you have a lot of things going on lately that would make anyone depressed, I hope the talk therapist is helpful in this regard. hang in there!
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Re the grocery store – the mind is an odd thing. Husband will not even consider going back to a particular restaurant. He finally told me that it’s because that’s where we were when I sneezed and started the nosebleed that lasted 15 hours. He agreed that the restaurant probably had nothing to do with it, and that no one there knew it happened, but he won’t go back. Good on you for reasoning your way through that.
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I was thinking exactly what you said – taking action on something is very comforting because at least you have motion. I really hope that you find a good solution soon! xo
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I hate SSRI’s; they do not help me AT ALL. I’m one of those people who get suicidal on them. I also get paranoid and delusional. Not a pretty picture. Sounds like some sort of panic attack. I support your decision to avoid them if possible. Have you ever done any stress-reducing, yoga breathing/meditation type stuff?
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Oh, I sooooo admire your courage in going to Shaws and doing your shopping even though you were anxious about it! And I am so glad you are going to be going for talk therapy; it might be all that you need! If you do start the Celexa, please take care because it can sometimes make the anxiety worse, at first…. so you have to make sure you have someone you can call on. They warned me about this before I started taking it. It did not have this effect on me at all though, fortunately…. so it doesn’t always….and has given me my life back. I do hope you don’t need it at all though! hugs, Nicky
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It is brave (and wise) to hold off on the depression drug if you can and if you can break away ‘from the pit’ on your own, so much the better. I really help the Talk Therapy helps. You are one brave lady for getting your grocery shopping done and facing up to the store. Things like that do effect us, whether it we like it or not. Well done you!
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Dr. Laura would occassionally tell a caller that she “couldn’t cure normal”…as in, it’s normal to be sad when someone you love dies, or to be hurt when someone you care about betrays you. Sometimes, emotional responses are “normal” and don’t need to be “cured” (with a drug), they just need to be worked through. I’m so glad you were given the opportunity to engage in talk therapy. You have some serious things going on in your life right now! At least you have the prescription to turn to if you feel the therapy isn’t working. *hugs* and more *hugs* to you!
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so glad you have got help with your health. hugs p
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I think that knowing you have support and you are on your way to finding out what is causing your symptoms, goes a long way towards helping you feel more in control and more relaxed. I agree with you about the antidepressant. They can be a lifesaver but they also can have uncomfortable side effects, I’ve taken them when I’ve needed them but have always gotten off of them as soon as I felt able.
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Definitely discuss the possibility of panic attacks during your visit. The adrenaline rush would account for all the symptoms you describe.
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