Morning Entry
I STILL cannot hit the edit button to correct errors in my diary and then re-save. There is no save button — not to mention no chapter-choice dropdown. I have tried this with Firefox and MIE. I have used Win 98 {desktop} and Win XP. {laptop} I have sent email to the OD tech desk and got their standard "yes, we got your email" reply.
And the lesson learned is to make no mistakes.
Before I go to bed at night, part of my routine is to set out the clothes and jewellery I am going to wear the next day. This started when I was working part-time at the library and I didn’t want to wake Fred up banging around in the bedroom at 5 am when he hadn’t gone to bed until 2 am since he is a night-owl. And, although I no longer work, since I am a creature of habit, I still do this.
So, last night I put out the same shorts I had worn yesterday, an orange shirt, clean underpants and orange earrings. This morning I saw that the shorts I wore yesterday were red shorts and the orange top I had put out was of a shade that shrieks "Don’t wear me with red!" Now, I don’t know WHY this bothers me so much but it really does. It is not as if I am out in the world being observed. In fact, for a long time after retirement, I actually didn’t care what I wore. But, a lot of that was due to depression and as I am writing about this, I am realising that this is quite possibly the reason for being bothered when my clothes don’t go together.
I have some warning signs that I check regularly to monitor my state of well being. {If you have never been depressed, clinically depressed, not just having a "blue" day, it is something that can creep up so insidiously that it often requires an outsider to point out that this behavior and thinking is not quite —ummm normal? At least that is the way it is with me.} One of my points to monitor is am I wearing clean clothes and have I showered and washed my hair… Apparently, I have internalized that as "am I wearing co-ordinated clothes!" Anyway, I am now wearing clean underwear, black shorts and an orange top. I have showered and washed my hair and my earrings are orange and silver…
It was hellishly hot and humid yesterday but I did get some boxes packed –in the air conditioned bedroom, of course, and I shall work more on that today. Fred says it is not supposed to be quite as hot today.
Today’s list:
- dishes
- trip to the grocery store for necessities such as Oreo chocolate cookies and salad stuff!
- pack, pack, pack, and pack
- did I mention pack?
Links to art:
Until later….
I can so identify with what you said about doing the self inventory. I ranted about it in the past entries. I wish you the best in your journey.
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I have been depresses a few times in my life. I can remember the Christmas season I was 15, I was very depressed. I also had a difficult depression right after baby #3 was born, and I remember another time when one day I realized I hadn’t worn make-up in months, or cared how I dressed. It was like waking up from a stupor.
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I know I’m in a depression when I don’t care what I look like and it is so difficult to make an effort. It actually hurts somewhere to g shower, do my hair, and put on a smile.
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I look back now on a period when I just gave up on my clothes (my weight meant I had to shop at specialty shops or get things made) and I had not “taken it on”. I am absolutely shocked at the way I dressed for work during those years!! I wore things that had clearly seen better days, wrecked shoes, horrible out of date glasses, etc My daughter set me straight eventually. Link to depression yes.
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Lord, I hate packing! I was thinking I was done with that, but the sad truth is, we’re going to have to pack David up in a month or so. ICK, Ick, ick~ Sending you all my sympathies!!!! Stay cool! It’s as hot up there as it is down HERE! Who knew? Love ya! ~M
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Depression pulls you inside yourself so deeply that you no longer are aware of external things…even your loved ones or what you are wearing. It’s very scary and I’m glad you have such self-awareness now to see it. ((Hugs))
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The self checks are very healthy!!! Kudos to you for that.
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Your entry made me think this…”when I am an older woman I shall wear red shorts with an orange top that doesn’t match!”…. on days when I’m NOT wearing my “purple dress, with a red hat that doesn’t fit and doesn’t suit me”…. :o) !! hugs, Weesprite
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🙂 glad you are progressing with the packing. i remember telling my therapy group once “at least i am clean” meaning i didn’t have the energy to take more care of my appearance than taking the shower and washing my hair. a few years later my therapist was sick and he told me he finally understood. i should get into your habit in the evening – it would save me so much indecision in the morning
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