Back to Normal

I just got back from a one-hour walk and I feel better.

I read somewhere that Winston Churchill would refer to his depression as his Black Dog. Well, this morning I had my own personal Black Puppy trotting at my heels. I am pretty sure I know what brought this on, too. One of the more useful techniqes I learned in therapy is the “What’s the worst thing that can happen?” question. This is always followed by “Now, what can you do about it if it does happen?” I have found these two questions very helpful because knowing what to expect definitely assuages panic . So, in thinking about this upcoming surgery that Fred is going to have in a couple of weeks, the worst case scenario was that he wouldn’t survive it. And, these thoughts, I think, are what triggered this morning’s appearance of the Black Puppy.

I am really pleased that the walk this morning has sent the Black Puppy scurrying back to where he came from. One of the worst parts of a true depressive bout for me is that I can often be deep into it before having someone point out to me what it is. And when I am truly deep in The Pit, all logical thinking goes. The last bad episode I had was four years ago when I was going through radiation after endometrial cancer. I KNEW the radiation was only for a set period of time because I had it the ending date marked on the calendar. I had been told, and at the time understood, that the intestinal discomfort and the diarrhea I was experiencing would not be permanent, and yet running through my head was the constant refrain, “I cannot live with this pain for the rest of my life!” What literally snapped me out of it at that time was a {one-time} prescription for Ritalin which at that time in my life was a true miracle drug. I told the radiation physician that it was as if someone had turned on the light. I realized that the “pain” was actually mild to moderate discomfort and understood again that all I had to do was to get through this and the symptoms would get less and my life would get back to normal. {And, of course, I did, and four years after the radiation, the only symptom I have left is that I cannot eat too much corn or more than a small amount of nuts!}

So, here I am back to normal and hoping that everyone who reads this has a good Thanksgiving.

{I am looking forward to a whole day of Law and Order reruns! The only thing better would be a day of StarGate SG1 reruns! LOL}