Passing Time

It’s been over a year now since I have written here.  I used to spend hours in these rooms visiting friends, catching up on their lives, offering encouragement when needed, sharing joys and accomplishments.  I would often visit late at night just to see if a friend had overcome some difficulty, repaired a friendship, reconciled with their lover or maybe just needed to reach out in the quiet early morning hours.  Often I would retreat to my room and just sit and think, dredging up old memories and reliving them – in sadness and happiness and sometimes both or in between.  Many times I would simply take a memory and put it in front of me, never judging my english or punctuation…just feeling the need to give it life.  Other times I would labor over an entry for hours – an entire day more than a few times.  When I wasn’t here, I often thought about being here, even finding myself sharing with my "real life" friends some of the adventures, joys and sorrows of my Open Diary friends – always referring to you as my OD Friend. 

I have missed this place.  My screen looks different, so I believe my status has changed.  It will be interesting to see if this entry posts at all.  I will contact Diary Master and get my account up to date. 

The past year and a half have been tumultuous for me.  I have relocated to another part of the country – so foreign to what I had known for twenty-one years.  Many things, attitudes, lifestyles, etc. to adjust to. Actually, many of my new adjustments were not really foreign – they had simply been in the closet for quarter of a century.  I have returned to my roots and to the country I fought with so many years of my life.  I have returned a stronger person, one who is not afraid to voice my beliefs or to march to my own drum.  To my surprise, they have accepted me….something I really never imagined would happen.  Growing up here I felt a strong need to conform to be allright.  Not being able to conform left me feeling like an outsider who would never belong.  I judged (and harshly) the people and what I termed their "narrow mindedness",  their beliefs, their mode of worship, the way they talked…….Somehow never realizing that I was only seeing from the reflection of my own judgmental narrow mindedness!  Now it seems I’ve come full circle.  I left the homeland and went to a country which allowed me to flourish and grow, to experience loss, sadness, happiness, freedom – joyous experiences for which I will be eternally grateful.  I have returned here with open arms to experience more and judge far, far less.

I have returned to the work force (by a quirk) and love what I do each day.  I make a real difference in lives and have an opportunity almost daily to help someone in need.  It is very fulfilling and I voice my thankfulness each day at the marvelous environment I have been led to.  It took me awhile to find myself here.  I felt like I was camping out for a good long while.  Not really wanting to make friends or plant myself too deeply.  It has been a slow and insidious transition that led me to a feeling of permanence and peace.  We have made a place here together…George, our wonderful companions – Miseamai, Mr. Max and Ralph – and me.  We are thankful for each day and have grown to be vocal about our thankfulness.  George and I are more deeply in love than ever, I believe, and look forward to all we have to share in this new year.

Most of our close friends have been here to visit us and have fallen in love with our coast and the southern amentities.  My sister visits often and for several days at a time – we had been apart with only infrequent and short visits for over 25 years.  We are renewing our old and comfortable relationship and her room is always ready here.

Both of our sons have visited and approve of our move.  Our youngest son just left this week after a six-week stay!  He recently completed a project in Alaska, immediately began another in Seattle and his new one doesn’t begin until after the first of the year.  He took the opportunity to vegetate with his folks for awhile and this old house feel empty since he left.  During his visit, we shared a wonderful Thanksgiving with some old friends who live in this area, my sister, and my neice and her boyfriend.  We had people sleeping everywhere, laughed a lot, ate too much, went out on the town and generally totally enjoyed being together!  My sister says it was a "perfect Thanksgiving" and it was.

My mother was here for Christmas and that was an opportunity for grandson and granny to renew their relationship.  We had a few bumps in the road (which is expected when Granny is here), but it was a memorable Christmas and one I will always be thankful for.

I’m learning to juggle my time again…it’s been awhile since I’ve had a full time position.  Hopefully, this juggling will allow me more time here to visit and to share.  I’ve told myself that I don’t have to expel a book each time I visit…just a short "Hi – I’m here" will suffice at times.

It’s good to be here and to put these words down.  Happy New Year and all Good Blessings to you all.