08/25/2009

Well, I supposed I can give another update now.  Perhaps a better one the before.

Tomorrow I will be exactly 26 weeks pregnant.  I can’t believe how much time has gone by.  From what I can tell, the twins are doing good.  Someone is always rolling around in my stomach lol.

I’ve been getting a lot of heartburn and nausea lately.  Really, I don’t even think it’s heartburn.  It’s just my throat that burns, from belching up so much bile.  And of course because I’m bringing up bile and swallowing it back down, it’s making me nauseated.  Honestly, I think my hiatal hernia has returned.  Or maybe it never went away and it’s acting up again.  Or maybe it’s just flat out because I’ve run out of belly space.  I don’t know, it’s making me miserable.  There’s always so much pain.

Oh and my pelvic pain, yeah that’s still there.  It’s now to where it takes me a good 15-20 minutes to climb out of bed each morning.  Sometimes during the day, if I’m not careful, I’ll fall over from the pain.  Trying to take a step and it pops in the wrong direction.  After sitting for only 10 minutes, I have to use my cane to walk around.  I have to have something to lean my weight on because of all the pain.

I’m up to 146 pounds now.  At the start of my pregnancy I was at 115.  I feel like such the cow right now, other times I feel like a damn beach whale.  I really don’t want to step on the scale again.  I don’t want to know how much I weigh at the end of it all lol.  I know with Josie I gained a little over 50 pounds.  Where all that weight was stored I’ll never know.  She came out weighing 7 pounds 15oz.  And I only kept 6 pounds of my pregnancy weight.  There’s no way in hell I’m gaining double that weight LOL.

As I said in my last entry, I’m opting to have a c-section.  I’ve had some people try to put me down for that decision.  No one here on OD though.  I kept getting the whole thing about how I was being selfish.  Or how I shouldn’t chose to have a c-section to avoid the pain from a vaginal birth.  I just want to poke them people in the eye lol.

I want to have a c-section for several reasons.  One reason is that chances are at least one of my babies will probably have to be via c-section.  Personally, I’d rather be all set and ready to go in that event.  Yes I know I’ll already be in the OR room just in case.  But I’d rather not put the babies in stress trying to push them out and then find out it just ain’t happening.  Now I do have some fears about some returning pains via a vaginal birth.  With Josie, the only pain I felt was in my upper ab, right under my ribs.  Three years later, and I’m still dealing with that pain.  I don’t want to make it worse by having 2 other babies pushing up there.  And then, with the way my pelvis pops I’m terrified I’ll break it trying to push a baby or 2 out.

Tori started school yesterday.  It’s been kinda nice.  Not much though.  Only nice part about it is that she and Josie aren’t arguing all day long. 

Poor Josie, she isn’t starting school this year.  At least I don’t think she is.  That preschool I took her too back in June for the screening still hasn’t called me back.  They still have a couple weeks before school starts though.  Just pisses me off.  But I do know that Josie will get to go to preschool next year.  Tori’s school has one there, but you have to be 4 years old.  Josie won’t turn 4 until March, so yeah.

She does like walking Tori to the bus stop in the morning.  We did that yesterday morning.  I opted not to today.  I just don’t feel well.  Yeah another mistake.  Josie woke up around 8:20 and was very upset.  Her Tori left for school without her.  I felt so bad.  So I told Josie we’d meet her at the bus stop later in the afternoon.

I’ve had a lot of drama happen here in the past few weeks.  But I’m not going to share it all.  Basically we’ve had to deal with James’ ex wife being a bitch.  And a retarded one at that.

Not much else has changed.  My house is still falling apart, and I still cry daily because of it.  It makes me question my ability to be a good mom.

I mean, what kind of person wants to bring a child into this life?  One where the house is falling apart.  Ants in the kitchen no matter how hard you try to get rid of them.  Kitchen floor is falling in.  Master bath’s toilet is falling in.  Our sewage pipes are busted again, thus leaking under the house and into the neighbors yard everytime we flush a toilet.  Our walls have holes in them.  Ugh I could go on and on.

I live in this terrible place, yet I didn’t let it stand in the way of my want for more children.

Ok, I’m getting sleepy just thinking of it all.  There’s my bigger update.  I’ll try to get back to posting a little more often.

Here’s me @ 23 weeks.  It’s 3 weeks later now and I’m already a LOT bigger lol.  I’m going to try and get some new baby bump photos taken later today.

Miles Edward & Emmit Logan

Are on the way–