Wonderful dream

I had a most wonderful dream last night.

I dreamed of Trynity.

The dream, or her presence in it, reminded me much of dreams where my father visits. She was a super-character. Her presense in the dream was more solid, more substantial than the other people in the dream. She appeared to reflect light where everything else about the dream appears to transmit light, like a motion picture. Unlike my dad, besides the fact that she is alive, is how I interacted with her. My father’s relating to me is oblique, indirect, as if the law of death keeps him from relating directly to me.

However, with Trynity, is was just like being friends again.

She came in as a consultant. My company (real) is building a new building (dream). There was an increase in violent and just plainly odd activity in the city neighborhood where the building was built, and her company was called in to consult on the structural aspects of security.

As I work in Communications at my agency, I was assigned as a liasion and escort for the consultant. I remember entering the lobby of the new building and seeing her, and I just began vibrating with conflicting emotions, all of them positive. For her part, she knows who my employeer is, and must have known that seeing me there was a possibility. For that reason, she maintained her composure and continued to speak knowlegably and smoothly to the people around her as she explained the process of her inspection.

But I saw in her eyes her excitement too. Her own since of disreality at the wonder of my being assigned to guide her. Me? I was my puppy-dog self, my tail wagging my whole hind end, wanting to sweep her off of her feet and hold her up before entire assembly and praise her from the rooftops as my bestest, most beloved friend, a rarest treasure in all the world!

But, there was still work to be done.

“Shall we begin?” she asked me as she finished her explanation to my superiors, and she made a gesture with her hands towards the door, ushering me to her side as we both proceeded to leave the offices. I took her professional tone and anchored myself down to simply walk – or was I floating – at her side as we moved through several hallways and stopped in a couple of rooms to examine structural elements.

She carried a clipboard, but I was more caught up in her completeness. From the sweep of her hair across her shoulders, her smile, her bright eyes, to her crisp clean jeans and sneakers, she was in her element. She IS her element. Like a stone containing a diamond, the stone is the diamond, already cut and polished in its natural state.

She could sense my pride in her, as could anyone with eyes, and she glowed in my friendship even brighter as we walked from room to room. She made small-talk, asking me what’s new, where I’ve been, how I am. We both knew that this was simply a mask – no, not a mask…a prelude? A checksum. No question, no few minutes, no several hours or days could begin to catch us up with each other. But we didn’t need to catch up. We only needed to know how each other was right now. We were moving forward, building forward from this moment.

When her inspection finally took us into the bowels of the building, away from the people and places where she was expected to maintain a professional air, she turned and we embraced. I was at once destroyed and renewed. A crumbling of so much loss and resiliance, and a resurrection of so much gladness. It was a silent moment.

Finally after a few eons, we let our grip of each other slip a bit. “I missed you,” she murmured. Don’t hate me. I’m sorry. “I’m glad your here,” I whispered. Don’t hate me. I’m sorry too. I forgive you. I need you. Then we let each other go, and Trynity smiled. “Come on!” she perked, and together we went trotting down a service corridor.

Now we were babbling. A walking comedy routine, with moments of seriousness in engineering as comic relief and non-sequitor. Everything either one of us said or did evoked more laughter from the other. Not because any of it was funny, but because our joy at our reunion required some kind of release.

She continued her inspection under the building and then out to the sidewalk. She had seen most of what she needed inside, the outside inspection was just a confirmation. But, too, it was an excuse to get outside, out of doors – a place we both enjoyed being simply for what it was: not “in”.

We made our way back to the main offices. She gave a report to the powers-that-be, and explained that she send a more detailed report soon. Then I walked her down into the garage to her truck. Now we both struggled. A desire to delay, to draw out this reunion as much as possible. A desire to hurry, to end this awkward pain quickly, to retreat back into our aloneness to weep. Our goodbye was sudden and short. She closed the door to her truck, turned the key, and drove away.

Trynity dresses in layers, and sometime during the inspection, she had taken off a sweater or sweatshirt and gave it to me to carry. I was given a ride back to my car, parked at my office. I sat in the backseat by myself, crumpled partway on the floor, my face buried in the shirt, hoping to grasp a scent, a reminder, a touch, that she was really here.

From here, the dream gets wierd. There were vandals in the parking lot near my car, and when I was dropped off, I needed to challenge them somehow – this took up the remaining minutes of the dream. But as my ride left, the first thing I did was unlock my passenger door, lay the shirt inside, and lock the door again. I wanted the shirt, the reminder – the memory – to be safe. I want her to be safe.

I want her to know she is safe with me.

Its been almost 2 years since our strange seperation, but I feel it like it was just a few weeks ago. On the other hand, the time she’s been away feels like lifetimes. I have grown accustomed to the absence, it has become a part of who I am. This is the green season here, and I cannot smell fresh cut grass, or wood smoke, without remembering her, and feeling the loss.

“I have an answer for that, too.” For the first time, Castellan Lebbick used the exact words he had been given. “King Joyce replies, ‘I am sure that my daughter Elega has acted for the best reasons. She carries my pride with her wherever she goes. For her sake, as well as for her own, I hope that the best reasons will also produce the best results.'”