Shiphead

I was, just a few minutes ago, going to write out some women-induced angst, just for the therapy. I was going to vent about one of my office-wives who, despite my putting my best self forward, continues to simply take advantage of me without giving much if anything back.

Particularly one incident this weekend which managed to break the “in-love” glamour that I had been caught in. And how I agreed it was probably for the best, a Godsend. But then how do I deal with the after-fact.

I was going to write about all that, when I got an email from Road.

Remember Road? My bicycling buddy who groomed me then suddenly turned on me as she completed her divorce? Who then took up with her first blind date one month after her divorce was complete? Who has been with that same person for all of most two years now, and has finally started to see the light that he is not the one for her — regardless of if I might be or not?

That Road.

Saturday, she called me (while I was feeling ill) and left a message about how she wanted to tell me of her weekend at a Christian women’s conference (a Beth Moore weekend) and how much she got out of it. She called me late Sunday evening and I listened as she told me of all that God was teaching her through Beth and her study experiences and ..lots of good things.

She also told me about how she tried to tell Bob about it in advance, and he just didn’t listen. And how this bothered her, and how I tied it back into some things she had just told me she was learning, like how to stand up and be strong with/against strong minded people. How to make her own stand… things like that.

I repeated to her something I’ve been telling her whenever we have these conversations: just walk away. He might be a nice guy, but he’s not the man for you.

Rewind to the beginning of summer…

Okay, you’ve gone too far. Fast-forward a bit to the middle of summer…

There.

She is beginning to put together that Bob and her have no future, but despite my best efforts of advice, she still continues to talk to him. Its during this conversation, at her table after sharing dinner with her and her daughters — or maybe it was as we were picking up sticks out of her backyard so her oldest daughter could mow — she tells me how he had given her a ring on their Memorial Weekend love jaunt.

It was a promise ring, basically, and she accepted it. I guess they had agreed on a gift exchange that weekend; she got him something more pragmatic and less relationally charged. She also revealed over the course of conversation that they had purchased a digital camera together. Actually, he bought it and gave it to her to use, but it was still “his” camera — you know how these things work. Its a mutual thing.

Well, at the time of our talking, she said that she was basically ending it with him, and how she was wrestling with this division of property. The ring was something that he actually GAVE her, it was her property now. But she really didn’t want it since it was a gift from him. On the other hand, she did want the camera, and wanted to know if she should give him the ring back and keep the camera? Or keep the ring (which I think was not QUITE the same value of the camera, but probably more than her share of the camera) and just give him the camera.

OR, treat them as two different types of property. The ring being hers in the first place, the camera being shared, and try to reach an agreement on the camera seperate from the ring.

I talked about several different scenarios, and our discussion of this was little more than a group-think out loud for her. It seemed trivial in the greater scheme of things, but significant enough to warrant at least some deliberate thought, which she seemed to be doing quite well on her own.

I never asked about it again, being that neither were really my business.

Just now she sent me an email. From him. It reads:

I just wanted you to know that I stopped by the courhouse today and

picked up the paperwork to take you to small claims court concerning the

disagreement we are having about the camera we purchased together. I

will be needing to get the mower back in a timely fashion so it doesn’t

need to go on there too.

We purchased the camera together. If you maintain that you need to keep

it, I will need you to pay me $200. If you decide you can’t afford it,

I will buy you out of the camera for $200 and you can give it to

me….or we can go to court and take care of it. Please let me know

which we will have to do.

Thank you,

Bob

Her note preceeding the forward was simple:

Parra,

The following is an email that I just received from Bob. Give me some

words of wisdom.

Road

I was shocked. Not that she sent me the email or even asked my advice. I was shocked that anyone who so frequently made claims of love and affection, as recently as last night even (apparently), could do such a thing (or send such an email, a real chickenshit way to do it).

My reply to her:

I’d give him his $200, remind him that its unbiblical to sue your brothers and sisters in Christ, then tell him to shove the $200 up his artgarfunkle and to go eatships and die.

Then, never talk to him again, period.

Oh, and make sure you get a receipt. (or give him the camera, and make sure you get a receipt. The phrasology remains the same.)

If this seems too harsh, or you don’t see where I’m coming from with this, call me and we can discuss it. *soft chuckles about that, deep sad sighs that he brought this to you, hugs for everything else*

She wrote back asking if she should bring up the ring. Apparently she’s already given him that back.

My reply:

No. And here’s why.

Simply put, you really do want to literally walk away from him now.

I mean, I’m all about giving people reasons, excuses even, for how they behave. Even when clearly they are doing something wrong, I at least try to give them some credit for why they might be doing it.

But this… he’s simply being a shiphead. It actually angers me enough to be fighting back tears as I type this. I can’t believe he’d be that… cold? heartless? Shippy? *shaking my head* I can’t give him any credit for this.

Exit as quickly and cleanly as possible, Road. I’m sorry.

I’m sorry and I’m angry because I’ve actually given him credit in the past. I feel betrayed, and I’m third party to this. And then he betrayed you, and that -really- makes me mad! I just want to throttle him. I can’t imagine how hurt you are…or maybe you’ve already reconciled yourself to his being this shallow…I hope you have for your own sake.

Even so, I’m still sorry, Road. It still must hurt. Just get away. Let him have his petty victory, and spare yourself the agony.

…and, try to forgive him sometime next year. Okay? *big hugs*

My problems seem petty to this. I’ve had enough hurt for one day.