Prelude to Reinvention (pt 2)

(cont’d)

That is the George thing. Then, there’s Bible Study.

I haven’t gone to Bible Study since around Easter. I tried sharing a victory in my life, and ended up being invalidated. Actually, someone said something which was invalidating. However, the cost instead was to my respect to that person for being closed-minded. I remained valid to myself, and in fact my response to the situation validated my point.

In sharing the victory, or at least the growth I wanted to praise God for, I shared about how NTs do not respect title or position. They do not respect arbitrary organization or regulation. Instead, we respect what is real. We respect ability, open-mindedness, strength, rationality. Things…qualities that can be tested and proven independent of any labels. Qualities that are often self-evident.

Then I went on to explain about myself in particular, as example. Like, how I relate to the group. I see people as individuals who are whole and complete in and of themselves. I see their competency and ability and even potential, without regard to what I am told about them, or how they might be titled. So, I relate well to the Bible Study group because the fact that everyone is younger than I am is not something I see or am aware of. I have to force myself to see that, when it is needed.

I don’t see “age” – except in relative terms as it applies to a given competancy.

The group leader disagreed. He said “Thats not it. Its a spiritual blessing. You and I are about as different as night and day, but we are the same on this. I don’t see your age either, but thats because of the Holy Spirit making it okay through Christ.” He was trying to say, that he as leader am aware of my age, but as a Christian he ignores it.

He got my point exactly opposite. Which is appropriate, since he is the opposite personality type.

But he insisted we are the same. I told him I could show him research. He said “then it’s wrong” [my words, his point].

In that moment, I lost respect for him. It was automatic. He lost his credibility as a leader in that moment.

I forgive him because of his age, his impetiousness. But the loss of respect is a quality of my personal character. I can’t change that.

Anyway, I have not been at Bible Study for mostly that reason. I miss seeing Jill as often – even though she’s dating? Ryan – and my other friends there as well. But in the moment, in this current funk, I haven’t missed being with people.

I believe my current mode is that I am considering reinventing myself, based on all this new stimulus I’ve received over the last few weeks. So I am somewhat withdrawn right now, spending my time working through projects, and deeply in consideration of my roles in the world, and how I want to, or even if I want to, remake myself to meet them.