“No one escapes from here!”

I did a little grocery shopping last night.

Back in college I lived across the street from a grocery store. After my first few attempts to buy groceries in large quantity – as most people do – and then wasting about half through spoilage, I learned to shop on a more-o-less daily basis. That knack has stuck with me since.

I needed to pick up some crunch food (popcorn) and some “meat” items (main course kind of stuff), but I am reluctant to buy a lot at this particular store. Since the chain was bought by Kroger, their selection sucks, and they jacked their prices up to justify the discounts you get with their store card. Today, I was really only shopping here for one reason – they have my brand of bottled water really cheep.

At the checkout, I had 3 six-pack of 20oz bottles of water, plus a six-pack of 20oz Pepsi, a box of popcorn (pour over Orville), two boxes of oatmeal packs (Quaker french vanilla, and the variety pack that contains banana bread), a bag of Supreme pizza rolls, two boxes of mini-egg rolls (one each chicken and shrimp-n-pork), and a gallon jug of Tropicana OJ with lots of pulp.

The checker swiped one of the water packs by her scanner 3 times, then tried to swipe the Pepsi. And tried, and tried. “Why won’t this scan?!?” she playfully whined to the bagger.

“Because its FREE!” I torted with a smile, and continued to fill out my check.

“I dunno…yeah, because its free. Just put it back”, said the bagger, and she did.

I asked the bagger to put everything in as few plastic bags as possible. I hate it when bag people put like two items in a plastic bag, then start a new one. Its offensive both because its a waste of plastic, and because it suggests a lack of competitive spirit when trying to fit as many items as possible safely into one bag.

I really miss paper for that reason. I just really need the loop handles of the plastic bag, though.

When they were finished, I had one bag, with all the water, pop, and the OJ setting on their own. I wheeled the cart over to the corral by the door, and proceeded to loadup for the walk to the truck.

I managed to get my right hand through 3 water sprues. I stacked the OJ in the top of the one bag, and wrangled it together with the pop sprue. My hands fully loaded, I headed out the door.

It is a beautiful evening. After 3 days of rain, it is finally spring, and everything is suddenly green. The evening was mildly breezy and fairly warm. Lots of people were out just for the sake of being out.

My thoughts as I left the store, however, were of mild concern for my bicycle, which I had left laying in the back of the truck. Would it still be there? I tried to park close enough to the front door to deter any would-be theives. As I exited the store and turned on my slight diagonal track toward my vehicle, I smiled with relief that my handlebars were peeking over the edge.

It was at that moment when, because of my intense grip around the handles of the water, and the new easy-release sprues, that a single bottle of water broke free from its bonds and escaped to the ground.

I quickly hopped to the downhill side of it and stopped it with my foot. Then I stared at it in consideration of this new development. It stared back at me, its crystal quality mocking me against the dull coarse grey of the sidewalk.

Now, now I had a delima.

I glanced up and about the lot to see just who had seen me locked briefly in a battle of wits with a water bottle. I did this mostly for effect, because the moment demanded it, then stared down at the would be fugitive who threatened my whole pride at wrangling my cargo. It must be disciplined for its actions. Order must be maintained, after all, or I’ll have all the bottles trying to escape. (I adjusted the pressure of my grip accordingly!)

So I smiled and I KICKED IT!

I played soccer with it all the way to my vehicle. It seemed both a sporting and elegant solution, don’t you think?