Night flight (part II)

She broke down to me when her marriage was failing. I directed her to some professional services – their relationship was well beyond what I could attempt to salvage. But the point is, she trusted me with that.

Now *smile* she tells me dating stories – asks me “why do I like this guy?” and so on…and I do my best to answer. I even warn her, qualify my answers when they will be biased for my advantage. And I think she knows she can trust that. Can trust me.

But, again.. it puts me on the sidelines. I care more about caring about the people I care about, …*giggling* than I care to! *chuckle* I don’t know how to be selfish, sucessfully.

*sadly, with a slow nod* In fact, thats just it. When it comes to being selfish, acting for my own benefit..taking THAT risk..thats when I’m the pretender. The poser.

*unfurls my wings, and strikes the air and lifts off* But I think that is the neccessary truth. I think that is the proper basis… *leveling my ascent, beginning to glide over the city at night….*

*the air is moist, just a touch. And cool. Tiny drops of mist begin to condense on my wings; liquid pearl stroking, swimming in the ocean of the night*

One cannot covet what is freely given.

Thats how love conquers sin.

*dropping into a power dive, now leveling around 80 feet, swooping out of the dark of a neighborhood over the lights of an intersection, a shopping center, then the deep dark of an old, wooded neighborhood.*

*the smell here is better. Less exhaust fumes…*

I will not take the risk, the risk of asking for myself from within my role as friend in the lives of the women in my life. What I find myself saying is that “I need someone to offer themself to me”….

*power climb now, with a slight roll* ..which is exactly right. Just exactly as I offer myself to everyone else…*I foil my ascent, begin to beat a gentle hover, as I consider the city from around 800 feet*

When we offer ourselves, our true selves – if everyone did this, there’d be no scarcity thinking, there’d be no need to rush into a relationship, there’d be no desperate desires….

*thinking, a slow smile spreads across my face, and I allow myself to fall backwards and plunge headlong for the ground..*

*with a wry grin on my face* no, I don’t know, because the desperate passion feels sooo nice! *extending my wings, gathering lift, swooping and leveling again..now beating out an even rhythm*

What I need, is to meet another angel soaring around up here…*then, rolling out of flight into a hover, confronting you…* but you’ve got to be honest about yourself, and accept yourself – the good and the bad, and embrace it. And accept it.

Then, once you’ve accepted the truth, identify what is bad and what is good. figure out what of the bad you can do something about, and then do it. Forget the bad that you cannot change…but always always be honest about that. Check it often.

*stern look, warming to a smile, breaking to a grin…* least I take myself to seriously! *turning and resuming flight*

*musing and soaring, gentle turns. I buzz a few homes, the dive to cruise a dark street at about 10-12 feet, wings just maintaining lift, then rising at the end of the street where it Tees. Rising to clear the cars and the structures, I continue to soar through the backyard, dodging under and around branches and trunks as I continue forward…*

*suddenly pulling up, aslight panic* Power lines. *nervous grin, hovering to steady myself*

This has been a good flight. Mind clearing, heart clearing. I feel stronger, sharper. Whetter…*russling wings* and wetter! This is not going to help my cold. But I needed it anyway. Im going home to dry off. Get warm.

*banking towards my home…* Thanks for reading.