Morning walk

I just walked out to my car to check for some paperwork, then took the long way back into The Building. Its one of those perfect mornings, where the dew lingers on the grass, and the sun is bright and cool, and everything around is vital and green is almost as blinding as yellow in the field of blue. The buildings, the made things, now make no difference. They are foreign, and in this morning, they are but dust across the landscape of natural beauty.

I’m focusing too much on process. Here it is, June, and I have barely scratched the goals that I set for myself at the beginning of the year. Why? Not enough time in reflection, in planning, in prayer. I’ve allowed myself to get “too busy” – not that being active is bad, or that if I had spent the time in reflection, that my days wouldn’t still be just as full – but the chores are without focus, or without a long-term meaning.

Last night, the Bible study was about our work-life. Are we working for God or for ourselves or for someone else. Its a verse that I have taken to heart for a long time. It speaks to Christians about our work-ethic, and that we should always be doing our best – not to please our boss at work, but to please our Father in heaven. And I’ve known that.

Our discussion also moved into working in the field that best suits us. That if we are not working (or at least trying to work) in the fields for which the Creator designed us, then again we are showing disdain for his gifts. Again, a point that I’ve known and take to heart.

But it struck me that I could be doing more here. Not more work, but more kingdom work. I’ve allowed my labor to become work, and while I strive to make each design the best I can, I have forgotten that there’s more to my job than the task at hand.

I admitted. I have a motto, a procedure, that reminds me “people over things” – people before the process. But, in looking at how I employ the motto, I am employing a process. In effect, I am putting the process of people before the process, before the people. Right now, I get a job done because someone asked me to. What I need to get back in touch with is the fact that it was a person who asked me, and that person has needs and priorities in their life that go beyond the project at hand.

And, thats at least part of it, part of what came out of the study.

There was also the reminder that I need to reevaluate my mission, and re-assert my goals, and commit to actively pursuing those, and pursuing a mindset of reflection and evaluation. How can I expect quality in my life without quality control?

Finally, it reminded me the truth – I cannot stand to be here beyond 5 years. The walk outside this morning reasserted the hold of the grass and morning air on me. I need to be in a job where I get that. Even if its just in the morning and afternoon. And I think the importance of this is that its time to start retooling now. So that my parachute will be in place when I jump out in a year’s time.

Lord, help me finish these tasks, and help me not to “fill in” the void they leave. Rather, help me then to take that time, set down, and meditate on your will, and reflect on my own actions. Lord, you continue to bless me and I thank you and praise you for your grace and mercy in my life. Help me find the direction you seek for me, that I can share your gifts with those around me. Be with my friends who find themselves under the gun right now Lord, and help them to seek you also as their burdens are lifted. Amen