More random notes

Much has happened.

I have blank pages privatized for my thoughts on the Attack on America, but have yet had time (or working OD) to enter them and complete the entry.

Since then, I have had new feelings, new things I want to comment on, concerning the attack and America’s response to it. And when I sit down to write about it, I find I am confused all over again.

I read in many other people’s journals (and in the paper, and other media) many different opinions and thoughts about progress. My thoughts in general follow those of the more cynical.

I don’t feel we are an America united. I have seen where caring people have put their problems aside to focus on the problems of victims and rescuers. But I still see the uncaring people continuing to be assholes. I’m sorry, but they still don’t represent MY America. Or maybe, maybe those people ARE our America, which is why in part we were attacked in the first place. In any case, I don’t want to declare myself united with them.

Some people in this country have no real clue WHAT America is. I am outraged and ashamed at the hate-crimes that have occured. I am challenged to keep my temper when people in my offices talk of nuking Afghanistan off the map. I want to respond in violence when those people wear an American flag t-shirt.

People, like it or not, this country was founded on Biblcal, God-centered principles. A part of those principles declared the inherent freedom that individuals have in choosing and pursuing their religious beliefs. But if you want to speak of what America is, and why she is great, you must return to the ultimate fact: it is because In God We Trust is our motto.

That offends some of your beliefs. I’m sorry, but its the truth. You have the freedom to believe differently here, and you have the freedom to worship in another country if you like, but don’t ask me to turn my back on our Biblical foundations so that you can feel comfortable with a differing belief.

Face it. Americans tolerate the differences within her borders because of the principles of Grace and Mercy as taught in the Bible. Or, at least, that was the intention.

Likewise, we as a nation shouldn’t be so gung-ho to nuke anyone back to any age. I understand the prerequisite necessity from time to time for a nation, its leadership, to wage war against an enemy. But, as a God-fearing nation, it is up to me, up to you, up to each of us as individuals, to rise up again, and turn the other cheek. We are big enough people as a nation to say as individuals that we appologize that a combat resolution is the option we are pursuing, and to grieve for the lives lost on both sides of this battle.

If Ben Laudin is responisible for these attacks, he is still one person. A person with a vision, goals, and a life – however in conflict with our own goals and life it may be. So, who then are we except an embittered bully to turn around and inflict our desires for “justice” on him?

Are we not also a country of individuals? Each with vision, goals, and a life in conflict with Ben Laudin? If so, then who is to say WE are the right goals?

IF we were truely in touch with the Biblical principals our nation was founded on, then just MAYBE we would have an absolute grounding in what is truely right or wrong, and could speak those words without hypocracy.

But, we are not.

Make no mistake. I too believe he must be found and rounded up, and that now that the big dog has been awaken, we need to root out the threat of organized terrorism. And I understand and accept that this is going to require a long drawn out warfare, the kind that we have never really fought before, and in the end, we will never really win.

Have you read your Bible lately? Try Revelations.

BUT – all that being true, then all the more reason that this United America had better get united under the umbrella of God’s authority.

…. and I say all that, going with a particular feed of emotion and commentary, and I re-read it and feel “No, thats still not quite it”.

I will try more later.

As if my dreams weren’t already bizarre enough lately, I have started to dream “deja vue”. For the past several nights, the “dream me” has actually paused while working through a sequence in my dream, to “REMEMBER” having experienced this sequence before.

The dream me actually has independent memory (apparent. In reality, it is drawing off my own real memories, and memories of deja vue. I am able, immediately after waking up, to reindex the event triggers and reconcile them to my own existing memory stack.)

My point, aside from just saying “look, how bizarre!” is that my dreams are beginning to take on more and more of a life of their own.

Friday night’s dream involved myself and several others contracting a food poisoning (where I puked up a semi-solid contigious mass like purple cement in liquid state) from fingernails that had gotten chopped into some egg salad (which I also puked, at the beginning of the dream).

The odd part is that I actually remember “sifting” several nails out of the sandwich filling in my mouth, and then spitting them out. I also remember twice waking up to my real-world sounds of spitting, and verifying that I wasn’t soiling my pillow.

On a coincidental note, the guy at Sonic tonight failed to wash his hands between collecting my money, and preparing my chocolate-banana malt. He did do an excellent job of drink prep, however, so I didn’t complain.

I spent much of yesterday afternoon helping Jill and Chet paint Chet’s speakers in his garage. Actually my chore was prying some 2×4″ cleats off the back of his speakers, from a prior installation hanging from his ceiling.

The highlight here is spending 4 hours in Jill’s company. We didn’t talk alot, but – I have always said the best way to get to know someone is by sharing a project with them. I personally feel the time was well spent.

This morning, I went to the altar to pray. One of the only spots open was next to Jill. I took the farthest edge of that space, so as not to crowd her.

Shortly after prayer started, I felt her hand rest on my shoulder.

People, if you’ve never had someone “pray over you”, you are missing out on a wonderful boon. Especially when it comes from someone you like. It took a minute or so for me to calm down and return to