Light

My load feels – light. At the end of the tunnel is – light. My mood is, for the moment, light.

We went to recover my sister. We left later than we expected (4pm instead of noon) and after 2 naps totaling 2.5 hours, we arrived at 7:30am. Thats a grueling driving schedule if you ask me, but, I have no complaints. The weather was beautiful, and evening was the perfect time to be driving through the part of the country we were in.

I had a most wonderful time with my mother – a very rare compliment indeed! We talked and chatted with each other until there was nothing left to discuss. Then we listened to oldies – her favorite – and played a game of guessing the artist well into the wee hours of the morning.

We arrived, and crashed. At 10:30 we roused and had breakfast, then started our intervention. Before we left, we had a plan. It was to bring her back here to The City with us at (most) any cost.

We – my mother, my niece, and myself, along with my sister – sat about the living room and talked. My mom and I asked questions, and my niece gave coachmarks or even answers to my sister when the pace lagged. I moderated, thus finding a unique and finite role for myself in going (apparently, I am “experienced” at this sort of thing).

We continued through lunch. By 5 in the evening, we brought my sister to the point of her saying “I need to see about getting some assistance”, but she could not say simply “I need help”. And she couldn’t understand why we made such a big deal about her not saying it. Still, she couldn’t do it.

So, I broke the group at that point, asking her to think about it while we went to dinner, indicating that if she couldn’t say it, then we couldn’t really support her any further either, as there’d be nothing for us to “support”.

As the rest of us cleaned up and prepared to go eat, she slowly became distant. By the time the three of us were honking in the car, 2 hours later, she was fully altered. I made an incident, to mark the event and test the completeness of the alteration.

Finally, though, we managed to go eat. When we returned, we watched a little TV and relaxed, before resuming the conversation. She still couldn’t say she needed help. So we indicated based on her responses that we thought it best that she should come back to the City with us.

We gave her our reasons for why we thought so, and gave her overnight to think it over.

I slept from about midnite to 8 am. Then we started over in the morning. We rediscussed some of the material, and answered the questions she raised over the night. By 11am, she started packing – albeit very slowly and hesitantly – and I mowed the yard.

At 2:30p we left. We let her drive part way. At about the halfway point, she started telling us “the story” of all that had happened. She also laughed. The first time I’d heard her laugh all weekend. She admitted in the evening that she was feeling better already about having decided to come. She started setting goals for things she wanted to do, people (counselors, and friends) that she wanted to talk to.

At 4:45, we arrived at the friend’s where I had left my car. We slept in the van until 6am, before I called them to get my keys. After transfering luggage and whatnot, I got home in time to shower and take a 10 minute nap before going to work. I took my razor with me.

After our staff meeting, my boss gave the monster brochure a once-over, and after a few corrections and changes, I burned it to CD and delivered it to the printer. Then I set about some web projects and other simple print projects that had been neglected for the past weeks.

The light.

I am a beast of burden. I like the feeling of weight on my back. Not too much, and not for too long. But I can carry heavy loads, and despite my venting last week, I have persevered and enjoy the fruits of that perseverance. But make no mistake – if I can carry a load, its because my strength doesn’t come from within. It comes from God. And He is the one who bore it all through. I was just the means of getting it there.

I slip my thumbs under the straps that pull over my shoulders and chest. It feels good to let a little air under. I am not done, the load is still heavy. I still have much to do, and in short order… but the light…

Today, I actually surfed the web a bit, between web site changes. Tonight, though I am still sleep deficit from the weekend and week before, I am finding time to make an entry before working on more projects.

I have one project down. I got a minor butt-chewing..no, more like just a reminder of my place.. for the late delivery of the brochure – but my boss realizes that this is one of those cases where sometimes it just doesn’t go right, and he even blames himself for being gone during this time period. There’s some light.

Yesterday evening, I helped a friend move. It was not the most complicated or labor inducing move I’ve ever done, but it was an open, honest expression of friendship, and an exchange of trust. It was also a touchstone to deeper bonds, and an intriguing connection to… an absent friend. The evening was light.

My sister called this evening from my folks, where she is staying. She broke into tears thanking me for bringing her up here, and explaining how much better she was feeling already, and how much she’d learned and realized in just today. She told me she needed help, and was getting it.

That, my friends, is Light.

In periods like this, I seldom find time for “quiet times”, and my prayer life can be reduced to occasional stop-light chatter. But if I am busy, there is One of infinite patience and peace taking things in hand, and meeting my needs before I even express them.

He, my friends, is Light.