It looks like

Its 9:15 p.m. on July 3rd, and my inner child runs through the cool evening across the hot ground on all fours like a monkey …just because running that way feels neat! And he runs up to the curb, to the clearing, as if busting forth across the line, the bushes, to surprise and jeer a crowd awaiting his entry.

But my inner adult knows there is no crowd. No one waiting for me to make my appearance. No one cares this evening where my inner child is, except my inner adult. So the adult keeps moving the line around, and the inner child keeps running on his forearms and laughing, making those silly grunting noises that you can’t help but make when running on all fours.

And my inner observer watches it all, and feels sad. Sad for myself, and sad for the others out there who must feel the same way I do, and he wonders what more he could do to get them all together.

It’s a beautiful evening, and – even though the holiday seems short being in the middle of the week – it is still a holiday.

But, I don’t feel like celebrating. I don’t feel like pretending. But I know if I don’t, I will feel worse, because I will have lost even THAT contact.

So, I save this, and go outside, and run down the street in my car, on all four tires, and grunt.