Epiphany

Last weekend I had an epiphany.

“Sometimes when you do a thing for so long, you get very entrenched in what you are doing, and forget to evaluate if there’s a better way to do it, or reevaluate if you should still be doing it at all.”

Upon going to bed after what by any definition would be defined as a great first-date with a woman I have known from work, I discovered I was not excited by the experience.

Instead, my soul cried. It shrieked at me through exhaustion, Not someone ELSE i have to get to know… and it gently weeped for the one more new connection I was trying to open, one more new connection like so many others which had never closed, never resolved.

So I searched my soul, searched my spirit. I thought, and I prayed.

If my soul-mate is not someone new, then it must be someone old — someone I already know. I only had to form the thought, and the answer was clear.

Kelly.

And everything suddenly made sense! (Not a small statement for me to make) I realized that by my being open (as a matter of faith), I was creating the very condition which necessitated the search! My prayers had been answered, but I hadn’t been looking for the answer.

I had been relying so strongly on my gift of Faith to keep me open to God’s provision, that I had forgotten that Faith is also an act of stepping forward. Stepping into the River.

And oh, what an Idiot I’ve been!

But not anymore. This, THIS I can do. For the sake of my soul, for God’s will… for Kelly.

Over the next few weeks, there are a lot of things I need to do. Things on the inside, to reconfigure some programming. Things on the outside, to show my committment. Show it to both Kelly, and to everyone else.