“The Courtesy Sentence” Redux
I have opted, for the time being, to not approach my beautiful bartender. In fact, Im ready to take it a step furtherI think it may be time for me to find a new hangout. I didnt embarrass myself or anything like that. In fact, I caught her giving me the eye in a HUGE way at one point. But the whole thing has disaster written all over it.
Her man is a bouncer at the same bar. Im not intimidated by his bouncing status. (Honestly, with the exception of the big, overweight, former-defensive-lineman types, most bouncers are a joke). But Ive got too many friends who work at the bar, and I dont want to create an awkward situation for them when the meathead finds out that I have an interest in his woman.
I maintain that her having a boyfriend doesnt really play a factor in my decision whether or not to ask her out. I took a little bit of a brow-beating for this in my previous entry, so I feel like I need to vindicate my stance a little bit.
I dont feel like theres any harm in me asking out a woman who has a boyfriend. Its not like Im trying to bend her over the bar or anything. All the woman has to do is tell me she has a boyfriend, and I would back off. Theres nothing wrong with testing the waters. For all I know, she could be unhappy and waiting for something better to come along. Or maybe she doesnt have a boyfriend at all. If she does have a boyfriend, and its a healthy relationship, shell just say, I have a man. And no harm will be done.
On the flip side, I become really enraged at a woman who fails to mention she has a boyfriend. Case in point:
After leaving the Realm of the Beautiful Bartender, I was sort of on a mission to redeem my manhood. I was feeling a little gradeschoolesque, and a little not in control. So I made it a point to charm every woman with whom I came into contact. I know this is an immature thought pattern. Sue me.
Toward the end of the night, Id settled in as Marks wingman, while he pursued this brunette that hes apparently known for a while. Her friend was kinda cute, and like I said, I was in full-on wolf mode. So I was really hitting on all cylinders.
I danced with her for most of the night. And she flirted back, and mashed on me and all that. When the bar was closing, I asked her for her phone number. Who knows if Id have ever even called her, but like I said, I was all about taking chances.
This girl, the one with whom I had been talking/hanging out with for most of the night, says:
Cmon, you know what she says.
I have a boyfriend.
<Pclass=MsoNormal style=”MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt”>I remember shutting my eyes, rocking my head back, and laughing out, YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. And I walked away. As I looked for Mark (who was nowhere to be found), I really got ticked off. If you have a boyfriend, you need to make that perfectly clear as soon as possible. It doesnt have to be as obvious as I HAVE A MAN, but theres always a way to work it into the conversation. Its something Ive always called the Courtesy Sentence. Simply put, you dont test drive a car that you have no intention of buying. Dont be a fucking tire-kicker.
Now, I fully realize that she may have just been saying that because she didnt want to give me her number. And while it might sting a little (because, honestly, I wasnt all that attracted to her to begin with), I can live with that. But telling me you have a boyfriend has the exact opposite of the intended effect.
Telling me you have a boyfriend (when you dont) after my hands have been on your ass for the last hour is not an easy way to let me down. Or a good way for you to save face. It makes you look like a tramp. It makes me think to myself, What if this was MY girlfriend, and she was out doing this? The thought absolutely fills me with disgust.
If, after spending a good portion of the night with me, you dont want to give me your number, you should do one of two things:
- As soon as the lights come up, you need to make yourself scarce, or
- You need to have a ready-made excuse for this occasion. (e.g. How about you give me your number? Im never home, or, Well, Im in the process of moving right now, so I dont have a home phone.)
When I met up with Mark at the car, I told him that it took me a while to get out of there because I went back to find that girl. I wanted to let her know my feelings on the subject. My laughing it off was just way too easy.
Well, buddy, shes in that SUV over there, he said.
I strolled over, and tapped on the window. She was in the back seat. The guy in the front seat rolled down the window, and I said, You know, that shit you pulled is just WRONG. You dont act like that when you have a BOYFRIEND. And I pretty much left it at that.
I couldnt see her face, because it was dark, and I was pretty loaded. I hope I had the right vehicle.
Whoops if you didn’t. You sound very much like my friend Jeff. I could definitely see him doing and saying the same thing.
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Yes, she was way out of line for that. You so don’t act like that when you have a boyfriend. She won’t have a boyfriend for long with shit like that. Haha, I love the idea that you got the wrong car though.
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Ouch. But I’m laughing at your response, it is just so right on. Be well,
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OH. MY. GOD. That wasn’t cool at ALL. Of her. I mean, *cough*slut*cough.* Seriously. But ANYways, like you said, it’s not like she was that hot to begin with and you DID have fun, didn’t you?
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I just hope the you had the right car and that it was the boyfriend in the car but somehow I doubt that it was him. If he even exists.
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This makes me glad to be 57. What the woman did to you was wrong, but what you did was wrong also. I understand why you did it; pride can make us do stuff that isn’t good for our own karma. She will eventually get her comeuppance without your help. Hugs,
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I should clarify at this point that the man in the front seat was NOT her boyfriend. —
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Most excellent handling of the situation.
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I kinda just went through the same thing when I was in New York. Of course I didn’t have to chastise him as his boyfriend was more than willing to do all the talking.
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Howdy. I’m a friend of Tim’s and saw your note on his Choice entry. Tim is actually in a ‘life changing, growing up, self realization’ phase right now, and the reason I’m approaching you is because I think it may actually be good for him to hear your pov regarding that entry. Not necessarily in a gouging way ; ), but just so he can hear a dissenting opinion, and possibly open the door for
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an intellectual discussion that challenges his perceptions in a non-threatening way. I know I sound mama-hen-ish, but I just think the chorus of “I agree”‘s sometimes does more harm than good. Unfortunately, most of the “I don’t agrees” are typically rude and belligerent, so if there was a way for him to hear a polite disagreement from someone with a little more experience than him, it could
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probably be a very healthy thing. Anyway, just a thought. Don’t mean to force the role of “patient mentor-type character who challenges viewpoints for the purpose of education” on you, but figured it couldn’t hurt to give you the scoop. Take care,
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oh, PS: Tim is Yojimbo. Forgot that he’d changed his diary name.
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RYN: Ah, I hadn’t realized you’ve already had interactions with him. No problem, thanks for letting me know. Good news is, his feigned arrogance is slowly calming down. It’s a knee jerk reaction from dealings with his dad, and he’s already begun to learn things the ‘hard way’ as a result. But that’s alright. The hard way is a tough way to learn, but usually has the best lessons to offer. ; )
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Right on for you calling her on it! Most people would have just blown it off (alcohol helps things too..lol). The nerve of some women. They at times make it harder for the good ones I tell you. The right one is out there.
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I dunno, Darling. I think you were a wee bit tough on the girl, myself.
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My strategy is to always find a way to work it into conversation at some point in the evening. Not to go as far as saying, “Look, I have a boyfriend,” cause I am never one to assume that someone is interested, but I will say, “Oh yeah – my bf and I went there once.” or whatever.
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Maybe you could just call her at 1 AM. I hear S.O.’s are “okay with that”. 😉
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Ah, you know, you’re totally correct on all counts. Hugs
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You just had to have your say. I think you did right by letting her know. She should have just known better.
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It would have been better if the guy in the front seat WAS her boyfriend. (grin)
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jenny knoxville here. made a new diary.
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*LMAO* OMG! That would be TOO funny, from my point of view, if you had the WRONG CAR! *falls to the floor laughing uncontrollably* SUV Driver: Who in the hell was that? Girl in back seat: Hell if I know. *still laughing* 😀 Eric
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I dont know if its better or worse, but I get the boyfriend bomb all the time. I never get a gal not telling me right away. Its usually the first words out of her mouth. Me: Hi. Im a programmer. What do you do? Her: I work at Wal-Mart, but my BOYFRIEND likes computers. ;^) Eric
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^^wonders why Eric, who has a girlfriend, gets the ‘boyfriend bomb’ all the time^^ LOL And I think you handled the situation well. Except for the wrong car thing. That’s just funny. Happy Hollandaise!
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RYN: None of it was appealing to you? None of my entry? None of the points I was making? Me so confused! Ahh but then I read this entry. What a twit that girl was. I’m guessing that she enjoys leading guys on and dashing their hopes. I’ve met a few women like that. They just like the attention. The Courtesy Sentence should be spoken before any asses are grabbed, that’s for sure.
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On your last entry and this one, you did the right thing on the bartender situation. I used to tend bar, and no matter how *regular* or dashing a customer may be, its hard to think of oneself dating a customer. I don’t know, people that work at bars or clubs usually date within the club/bar. Case in point, the bouncer boyfriend. You may not have liked her hours/flirts with customers later on HAD
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you dated her/taken this serious or as anything more than a screw. Pardon, for being so blunt. *winks*. The girl in the SUV was wrong. Definatly. Don’t lead someone on all night. Whether you were that interested or not.
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RYN: I know silly! ..// pun on being “wet” from sweating…therefore I was “wetting” an appetite. muhahaha! –
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RYN: Dustin was 35. Old enough to know better, about many things!, but he didn’t. I think I did the right thing by walking away from that, his life was a train wreck in progress! Playing Halo 2 online is magnificent! Dustin was very into MMORPGs, I don’t think I should start in on those, I might never leave my house again. There is a Star Trek one coming out soon though…
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RYN: We should hook up…and attempt to slaughter each other online. 🙂 Too bad you don’t have Xbox Live, I got it for Christmas!
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RYN: Of course it does. I think 🙂
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I agree that the dancing/grinding/mashing(?) chick wasn’t cool to leave the bf comment ’til last, but here’s a question for you: If you weren’t attracted to her or finding much interest in her, why were you asking for her number in the first place?
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Congrats on winning a nail biter……..and thanks for nice spot we now have in the draft 😉
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Merry Christmas!
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Trust me man, I know how you feel. I would have been happy with a win because it was KC, but a better pick in the draft is still a nice consolation prize. As for the Lakers, I think I told you before: I’m a Phil Jackson fan more than anything. The Lakers have a soft spot in my heart, but now that Phil’s gone, I’m not nearly as interested.
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I saw your note on wolfboy’s diary. What is the American obsession with our teeth about?! I’m really curious. It’s such a bizarre thing…that said, it is American, so bizarre is really the norm isn’t it? A pretty pathetic insult anyway! ‘You ‘Brits’ have bad teeth’ really upsets me.
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And I’d rather have bad teeth, than be refused into a hospital when hit by a car, unless I can prove that I can pay for my treatment. But it’s typical isn’t; you can’t take a bit of humour at your expense…
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ryn: see, I’d think it’d be you yanks, with all your coke drinking, who would be the ones with the rotten teeth 😛
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You’re 100% right about the boyfriend thing. You slip it into conversation early on if you really do (and care about him). Some girls have no class.
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I’ve been shaving with a Mach3 for the past six years.
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RYN: Bud, you weren’t one of those 😉 Count over the notes, if yours was one of them, there’d be four. Not three.
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RYN: you can still call!!
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YOU DA MAN !!!! I agree with your response 100%……. Hey THANKS for stopping by……. I’ve been up to my ears lately with the XMAS mess, etc…… Hope you are keeping well and at least getting a little “lovin'” in the process…….CHEERS
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ps………… did you see my “james bond” pic ???? …..
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It seems to me you are a supremely intelligent guy. I’m just dropping by after I saw your awesome response to some insensitive arse’s entry on why the tsunami isn’t a tragedy…
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Women could be a little more sensitive towards men. So, just dropping by to say your note on the idiot’s diary re: tsunami aid…hilarious 🙂
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you dingledorf! you went to my entry before i got all the pictures up. there are some of lucy now! 🙂
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Happy New Year, Darling.
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Hold on. I have to get back up onto my chair. Okay, there. This entry cracked me up hardcore. And I’ve heard it so many times before. My boyfriend (yes I have one) used to be just a friend of mine when he was single and he used to tell me the same stories. I think I should send him here to read this.
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silly parku, it’s JODIE the groundhog climbing into the coffee can. Didn’t you read the entry with the obituary?
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RYN: Happy New Years first! You are right, on all counts. I just, well, dunno. But HAPPY NEW YEARS! (I’m smiling- you should too).
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Whoa…Hope you DO have the right SUV. Pretty funny either way maaaaaaaaan.
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That IS just wrong. And what happened to saying, “no, I had fun tonight but I’m not going to give you my number.” It’s b*tchy yes, but honest.
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Haha! Serves her right.
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I don’t think there is anything wrong with asking a girl out regardless of her relationship status. You aren’t responsible for her actions…she is
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No doubt. She could have just wrote down a bogus number.
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That is lame. There’s such as thing as etiquette, y’know? Even in situations like that. ESPECIALLY in situations like that. M
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I was just browsing back through. Got the idea from you. Notice that I put a (?) next to the word “mashing”? That’s b/c I had no clue what it was. I do now, though! And I also notice that I made fun of you for the love comment on Christmas. Hehe. Remember that???
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