Parliament
February 17, 2005

My Name is Parliament; I WAS a Pathetic Geek.

I wasn’t always as suave and self-assured when it comes to the fairer sex. In fact, it wasn’t until college that I started to really feel comfortable in my own skin. To be my own man. Nowadays, I feel like I can approach anyone without fear of rejection. It took me decades to get to this point, though. And I started out WAY behind everyone else.

 

I credit this delayed development to an incident that occurred when I was in seventh grade. Inspired by the “Pathetic Geek” entries of Jane Says, Cinderella, and Cyndication, I thought I’d share my tale of prepubescent angst with all of you.

 

I was in seventh grade. This was about the time in my Catholic school education when they started to treat us kids a little more like adults. Or at least, they started to nudge us in the direction of some freedom in order to prepare us for high school life. We’d change classrooms frequently and be taught by different teachers. Seating assignments disappeared. And, of course, we started to have “school dances.”

 

These school dances were pretty infrequent—maybe two or three total during the school year. They were held at the end of a school day (Friday), and were essentially made up of a boombox and some streamers in the cafeteria. Nothing flashy at all.

 

It was a seventh grade-eighth grade thing, too. Considering we didn’t have much interaction with the older kids outside the playground, this was pretty big. It was a social situation where we were more or less forced to mingle with kids we hardly knew.

 

I was a small boy. It wasn’t until high school that I actually grew up and filled out. In seventh grade, I was probably 4’10, and I bet I weighed 70 pounds. Scrawny is an understatement. I also had the ugly braces. You know, the ones that go ALL THE WAY AROUND THE TOOTH. (I kept breaking off the other ones somehow, so this was the only option.) My jet black hair and olive skin also made me stand out from the rest of the kids (think geeky Ralph Macchio in The Karate Kid). Plus, my sledgehammer hands were REALLY freakish when they were connected to pencil forearms.

 

I was a mess.

 

But I was raised in a happy home, and was totally clueless to the fact that I was a funny looking kid. You get so used to being acknowledged as being small, that it kinda goes in one ear and out the other. And most of my interaction was with the guys in my class. I played kickball and made paper Chinese stars, so hell, they thought I was cool.

 

So back to the dance. We are at our first dance as seventh graders (and thus, our first dance ever). And for most of the time, it was seventh-grade boys, eighth-grade boys, seventh-grade girls, and eighth-grade girls split into four groups.

 

Eventually, one of the older kids got brave, and asked a girl in my class to dance. And everyone sort of followed in.

 

I got gutsy, and marched right over to who I thought was the prettiest girl in the eighth grade class. Her name was Stephane LaForge. I asked her to dance.

 

I’ll never forget her reaction. Did you see Napoleon Dynamite? The scene where Napoleon asks Summer if she wants to play tetherball. She spins on her heel, looks back at him while twirling her hair, squints into a faux smile, and shakes her head. This was the exact look I got from Stephanie.

 

My first rejection.

 

I took it on the chin, though, and immediately turned to her best friend (with whom she was standing) and asked her to dance.

 

My second rejection.

 

Katie was actually even more cruel. She said: “No thanks, I actually have someone better to dance with… NO ONE.” She looked at Stephanie, they giggled, and they walked away.

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Whew, recounting that gave me the shakes.

 

Anyway, this happened in plain view of all my homies, plus the eighth grade kids. I was outta there in a hurry. First to the bathroom, then to my classroom. And I cried like a scrawny, big-handed bitch.

 

My buddies came after me. Well, at the end of the dance, anyway. They told me how ruthlessly wrong it was of those two to do that. And they told me that one of the older kids actually went after those two girls and read them the riot act.

 

But regardless, the damage was done. Socially, it set me back YEARS, ala Sybil when she regressed to the womb. That was the day I learned, much to my dismay, that I was a pathetic geek.

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km
February 18, 2005

At least you went to the dance. I couldn’t even get the courage to go to my eighth grade dance.

SilentSignal
February 18, 2005

And look how far you’ve come. I never would’ve figured you for a geek. Ever.

Lor
February 18, 2005

Yeah, but now you’re hot and I bet those girls are fat! **wink**

Jane Says
February 18, 2005

Aw geez, that’s NOTHING! I’ve got tons of stories on you, bud. Let’s see some pictures! 😉

ValentineGuy
February 18, 2005

That would certainly been traumatic.

defenestration
February 18, 2005

those experiences are awful … ugh.

Argent D'or
February 18, 2005

*smiles* Considering I couldn’t get a date until… Really until I was 17, I have more geekdom than you. Hugs

*hugs you* That’s so sad. Girls are mean. And unfortunately I did mean things to people too.

Paige
February 18, 2005

I give you a lot of credit for writing this story – I seriously think I blocked out ALL my humiliating childhood stories, as I can’t remember one and I know there were many (so many!) This helped make you into the sensitive stud you are today though, Boo. 🙂 Love-

EWS
February 18, 2005

Wow. That was ROUGH. I didn’t even have the guts to ask anyone to dance. I went to a couple of 7th and 8th grade dances before not bothering anymore, and I didn’t ask anyone to dance. They were the most boring events of my life. Eric

trellis
February 18, 2005

sledgehammer hands? not sure if that’s frightening or impressive. maybe both.

Ginger Snap
February 18, 2005

Awww honey bunny… But look at you now!! Don’t forget, I’ve seen you in ACTION!!!

Desert Rein
February 18, 2005

OH YEAH. I know that feeling. God I was a freak in school. I had the buckest teeth with a huge gap, stringy hair, NO boobs and too much makeup. Kids TORMENTED me. I only made it through 9th grade. If I could go back, I think I would done some things differently. But then, as a kid, how do you know what to do right without guidance? The senseless JUDGMENT kids cast upon eachother. It’s dumb.

ah yes so you were a late bloomer, I bet you can take your pick these days huh killer? everyone goes thru their awkward stages. Aren’t you glad you’re all grown up now? 😉

cyndication
February 18, 2005

Now I know why I like you……you were just like John. 🙂

cyndication
February 18, 2005

P.S. It’s little “c”. Little “c”. Big “O”.

BabySteps
February 18, 2005

OK I say we all do an internet search for them and see how 3 pregnancys each have left them some 20+ years later…my son is the “hottest” kid in his class, but this sorta thing happened to one of his best friends and he marched over to the girl and verbally tore her to shreds..and being Mr. Popular that he is..well it was bad. i’m not real proud of him for that but he was stickin up for a friend

I hope they are both obese and balding by now.

'Rella
February 18, 2005

Ouch! Oh seriously, ouch. Be well,

Angel on Earth
February 18, 2005

You poor thing. That sucks. Well I hope they have big fat warts on their faces and husbands with big beer guts. 🙂

cyndication
February 18, 2005

RY2ndN: Where DO you find this shit? 🙂

Mrs B
February 18, 2005

You poor thing! Kids can be so cruel at times!

kiki
February 19, 2005

Katie is an evil bitch.

Hurricane Katie
February 19, 2005

awwww….

Angela
February 19, 2005

When I was about that age, I couldn’t get the boys to ask me out. So I did the asking. And got shot down. Often. Sometimes, though, I got the dance. It’s good to read you again, P – I’ve missed you. xoxo,

death_by_sharpie
February 19, 2005

Even those girls were geeks. Everyone is a geek at that age. We’re all just so wrapped up in our own geekiness that we fail to see it others. ^_~ M

English boy band “Busted” sing a song ‘You said no’ about a similar experience, I think you’d find it cathartic.

MRS
February 21, 2005

Damn! Whoddathunk? Parli – a former geek. I think we ALL have those stories. It’s been fun reading them.

Aww. Bitches. 🙂 Look at you now though, and furthermore, look at you INSIDE, you are a genuinely good person.

I hope those little junior high bitches have weight problems now. ;o) *hugs* If you’re one of the guys on the front page, you sure are a cutie now.

Isn’t it bizarre how these things stay with us? I still get all nervous and embarrassed thinking about the middle school stuff. Arg.

I bet if they saw you now there would be many regrets

mENTAL mAN
March 10, 2005

catholic school ???……. well that explains it……. actually i went to cath. school for a couple of years too……. my stories run the gamut….. I went to about 15 different schools in different states and countries….. talk about introverted !!!……. best wishes Mr. P !!!….

(((hugs))) when i was in high school i asked a guy i liked to the homecoming dance and he said no. rejection sucks big time. btw – i like the new picture on the front of your diary. very nice.

Candygrl
March 23, 2005

Heartless bitches.

iStoleYourProzac
March 30, 2005

your closing sentence… “that was the day…” *lol* I love when people word things like that in such a way that it makes me laugh a little. *hug* geeks are great

coconut_coffee
August 10, 2005

weren’t we all pathetic geeks once? I used to be the “horse girl” (in a town where school sports were cool and anything else was not) and got moo-ed at in the halls because of my last name. I’m so glad I’m not a teenager anymore, though I think all those “cool” kids would probably say life sucked for them too now that they’re grown up…

egapemiaj
August 16, 2005

just started reading recently…thought i’d say hello, and “awww”. it’s insane how much everyone can relate to that 13-year-old-can-this-really-be-MY-body? thing. i was a scrawn too, and brace-faced, and damn. you’re a brave man, to share those memories. haha.

I wonder how amazed those two girls would be today at how mean they were then. And how cool you turned out to be. I don’t think I was that mean at that age, but I still hope there’s no cosmic scoreboard, just in case.

Narciso
October 5, 2005

thank you for your note. if you don’t mind my asking, how’d you find me? what makes you think i have a brighter future than hester, out of curiosity? thank you for your compliments. i sincerely hope we continue this correspondence. 🙂 ryan

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