Parliament
March 3, 2004

Deconstructing Parliament’s Id

I am at the stage now in my newly-renewed singality where I find myself going overboard with the I’m-a-single-man-on-the-prowl thing. It’s a phenomenon with which I’m quite familiar. When you have been out of the Alpha Male Mode for a while and you slide back in (either willingly or otherwise), you really have two options:

 

1. You can stop to look at the scorched earth where you were standing, and tumble into woe-is-me syndrome, or
2. You can embrace your second chance with every fiber of your being.

 

Because I am the eternal optimist, I always choose the latter.  

 

So anyway, I wind up wanting to put all the emotions into a deep, hibernative state. Because I always launch myself headlong and with willing heart into my relationships, when they end, I find myself moving quickly to the opposite end of the spectrum. Referring to this frame of mind as the “Fuck it” stage is a double entendre if there ever was one.

 

Lately, it seems that I’m regularly finding ways to work my desire to fuck half of the city into everyday conversation. “Oh, well, I can make that 8 o’clock meeting on Monday morning. That is, if I’m not too worn out from chasing skirts all weekend!”

 

“Oh, well, I can’t go to the company Happy Hour on Friday. I might wind up making a pass at the new girl in Provisioning!”

 

Look at me! I’m a walking Neanderthal!

 

I’m also going WAY out of my way to ogle.

 

I was at the gym tonight, for example. I had just stepped off one of those ski-machine things from my warm-up, and had the tingly-headed euphoria from the endorphins pumping through my veins. On my way to the weights, I happened to spot a woman briskly walking away on a treadmill.

 

She was in track pants and one of those sports bra things. And I was hypnotized by the jiggle of her ass that she was ironically trying to shrink. I could see the small of her back, and her hips doing that little…

 

Okay, this will require some serious explanation, so that you can all enjoy the full effect. I apologize in advance for the raging, testosterone-laden paragraph that is to follow:

 

When a girl has a nice ass (“nice” by my standards being J-Lo-esque), and she’s walking at a brisk pace, there is a little motion that takes place that sends me into overdrive. The hips sort of “pop” sharply at the end of each step. Imagine a whip, with the points of the ass being the end of the whip. I could watch it all day.

So anyway, this girl is whipping away on the treadmill, and I just couldn’t keep my eyes off of her. So much so, in fact, that I actually went out of my way to move in for a closer look.

 

I stood about ten feet behind the treadmill, pretending to look at the television, but I was definitely fixated on something else. I’m ashamed to admit that it must’ve been painfully obvious, for the woman on the treadmill next to her turned around and said politely, “I’m almost finished.”

 

Scrambling, I said, “Oh, no… I was just looking at the weather forecast.”

 

Then, I slunk back to the weights, feeling like a complete, perverted slug.

 

With the spring weather nipping at my heels, and my relationship emotions tucked in the pocket of my winter coat (which is hanging at the back of my closet), I’m afraid I don’t see an end to the trend. And then comes the glorious summertime, where bare legs and bikinis abound. I’m slightly ashamed to admit that the Dirty Slut in me is back with a vengeance.

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Timmy™
March 4, 2004

I think it’s better to take responsibility now than to let myself flunk out – or graduate without a clue.

Miss Almighty Divine
March 4, 2004

Did you ever speak to the brunette at the gym that you wrote about a long time ago?

i wish i had a j lo ass. when i lost 20 pounds last year, my ass went away. i need to look up butt perking exercises. thanks for the reminder…

i’m just as fascinated by asses as you. and i’m not even picky about the sex of my victims. i’d just as soon stare at a female’s ass as a male’s. it’s not a sexual thing…it’s more an appreciation for a “baby got back” thing. so, how’s yours? ass, that is? 😀

Mr. parallelogram
March 4, 2004

My good man this is a lifetime attitude for the male, so do not fret it will be with you until your dying day. Off to the bathroom with lotion in hand(s) Much respect.

Argent D'or
March 5, 2004

You know, I almost think it unnatural for a man not to notice, but… wait, that’s a rant developing (against the emasculating of America), so I should just smile and walk away quietly. *smiles*

Parliament
March 5, 2004

Good call. —

MRS
March 5, 2004

You Dirty Slut! fuggedaboudit! You probably made the girl’s day!

Insert Alias Here
March 5, 2004

I may agree with the perverted slug thing. You’re pathetic 😉

Oh Hon. My ex was absolutely OBSESSED with that particular sensual area of my person. I wish i could a 10th of your optimism. Instead i am haunted with regret and sadness.

Chuck
March 5, 2004

Ass See TV. —

EWS
March 5, 2004

I’m the same way at the gym. The cardio room is a veritable candy store. I like to watch the women on the elliptical machines, as they bounce up and down, their legs pumping in a circular fashion, causing their supple, heaving breasts to both conform and defy gravity as they bounce in time to the drumming rhythm in my head (read: pants). *sigh* Eric

quirkygirl
March 5, 2004

lord help us all 😉

Max
March 5, 2004

Parliament is a dirty slut, indeed. Even I got turned on by your description. More skirt-chasing stories! More skirt-chasing stories!

Desert Rein
March 5, 2004

Oh shit, look out. I hope it was at least an actual weather forecast on the TV.

Hurricane Katie
March 5, 2004

Hey, the world need more Dirty Sluts. It makes the rest of us much more comfortable in our own Dirty Sluttieness. And trust me, a nice appreciatory ass-watching is usually welcomed (albeit on the inside).

Bridget Jonesing
March 5, 2004

this is why i will never join a gym. either the fear that i’ll get stared at because my assets are in good working order, or stared at because they’re not. either way… stop staring! (but that’s just me. girls who actually go to gyms probably dig it.)

Lola Stoker
March 5, 2004

Can I buy you a plane ticket to New York? I have that ass.

Miss Krystyna
March 5, 2004

i’m pretty sure i’d shoot myself if i ever had the ass/thighs of j-lo or beyonce. gag. but hey, whatever floats your boat. –

Hicks
March 5, 2004

girls’ asses are just so captivating. how could you possibly ignore something like that? the response is hardwired into your biological brain at the most primitive level, all the way up to the highest mental functioning. and them asses just taste like sweet girl candy, all fleshy firm and perfect pink, all warm and then she gotta sit on your neanderthal face.

Hicks
March 5, 2004

sounds like you gotta get out there and grab some girl ass with your (freakishly huge) fists.

Bippy
March 5, 2004

Let me tell you, 7 months in Kuwait has certainly brought out the pervert in my husband. It’s not a creepy single guy thing anymore!

SilentSignal
March 5, 2004

Whore. (grin) And we love you for it!

I’m sure that girl was flattered – although perving is usually only appreciated from a distance! Funny how this entry almost makes me wish I was in your town 😉

EmpressOfEmpathy
March 6, 2004

You go with your bad self, you dirty whore. LOL Aims

Ginger Snap
March 7, 2004

This is the Parliament that I love to read!

EWS
March 8, 2004

RYN: *LMAO @ “for a change”* ;^) Eric

Dani
March 8, 2004

I’m sad things didn’t work out with Rachel… Maybe I’m just not mature enough but I just don’t understand how things fall apart like that. And you know me – now I’m paranoid I’m doing the same thing to Dave! Fricken A 😉

ryn: a guy once told me that no matter how “hot” a woman is somewhere there’s a man who’s tired of effing her. i imagine that’s true and might even pertain to both sexes.

ryn: yep, you’re officially single again. and what a line… nice, creative comeback. i was impressed. 🙂

Lor
March 10, 2004

Some stalker you turned out to be! Stalkers don’t respect boundaries! That’s what makes them stalkers… **sigh**

Insert Alias Here
March 11, 2004

RYN: What’s what?? I’m lost.

No need to miss me – I’m always right here. I just don’t want to bore anyone to death. That’s great news about Bumble. Hope you are having a good time on the prowl 🙂

Chuck
March 12, 2004

It’s what I live for. —

Angela
March 22, 2004

there’s no shame there. I know you know this, but it can be liberating to have meaningless and fun sex after the emotional wringer and the meaningful making love. Just enjoy being young and sexy, P. You deserve it.

"That Girl"
March 29, 2004

welcome back, you dirty dirty boy!

That Jones Thing
May 7, 2004

lol…tried to picture the whipping J Lo butt but can’t! I’ve never had a butt. I’d love to have a butt. Wonder if they sell them at Walmart

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