you loved me so naughty, made me weak in the knees

I wrote this for Alchera, but I want to see if it’s okay before I submit it? Any constructive criticism or compliments before I decide? (And yes, I know it’s not about someone “being left,” but “had been left.” I just think that the leaving can be considered to last a lot longer…. Eh, I don’t know. Maybe it’s okay, just not for this?)

Love to lindzymarie for a poem she wrote a long time ago that kind of inspired the theme of this story.

The prompt:
“Write a scene from the point of view of a character being left by another character. If possible, avoid all clichés of soap operas and televisions and bad books and movies. Unfortunately, that doesn’t give you much room to work. It seems everything on this topic has been said to death. You’ll need to reach down into your characters to find something fresh, something particular to them. If you want, keep dialogue to a minimum. Work with action and gesture.”

It has been 3 weeks since I last saw you. Nineteen days 3 hours and 22 minutes if you want to get technical about it. A month, if we’re not counting the time I saw you at Walmart and hid behind a rack of DVD’s. Two days if we’re counting your friend’s online pictures, but I didn’t go there looking for you.

It has been 2 weeks since I talked to you. Almost exactly thirteen days, if you really didn’t know. Unless we’re counting drunken phone calls and that time I called you just to hear your voice on the answering machine. Two months, if we’re talking about times you weren’t saying goodbye.

It has been two days since I thought about you. Three weeks if you mean when I washed your scent out of my sheets. Two weeks if we’re talking about how I came home to find your clothes gone & your key on the table. A couple hours if you’re asking if I checked your away message today. And if we’re counting this story, then I haven’t stopped thinking of you since the day you left.