i wouldn’t use a bullet ‘cuz a bullet’s a disgrace

I am still amazed at how little work I manage to do during a day. I’m amazed that I’m getting away with it.

The one assignment I have involves getting in touch with people and asking them about a problem that I don’t understand. I’ve resorted to emailing them, because then they can’t blindside me with a question I can’t understand or answer. Thus giving them an easy excuse to escape and not tell me things.

This all makes me feel very stupid. But it’s nice, too, because it reinforces my opinion that one learns absolutely nothing in college. And that the only thing I’m good at is being lazy.

I wonder if other people have this problem. All anyone ever tells me is "it will pick up soon & you will be wishing you were bored." But seriously, make me beg for boredom. When there’s work to do, you can just take a break and do something personal that needs doing & that’s that. If there’s nothing to do, you wind up doing all of your personal things in 5 minutes and then sitting there, pretending to be writing or reading an email when really you’re just waiting to land an assignment that’s worthwhile.

I feel like a slacker. This job is reinforcing all the bad things I ever thought about my work ethic, and there’s nothing I can do about it. My brain is getting fucked up & telling me that I’m going to be fired because I don’t do anything. But then I come to work and there’s really nothing I can do, and people don’t return calls or emails and that is going to make me look bad because I’m supposed to be getting in touch with them.

This is getting very old.

On the plus side, Chad got a job offer at Raytheon, which means he will soon be moving out here and helping me pay my rent. I can’t decide which makes me happier: only paying $700 for rent, or having my boyfriend live with me.

Also, I saw a verygreen chair+ottoman in a store window and it was crying out for me to purchase it. Even though nothing in my apartment is verygreen (though I do have light green aspirations for my kitchen).

It has come to my attention that I am the most boring person EVER. Sorry about that.

Pictures of the apartment & my ridiculously expensive new car. Someday (soon?).