The Tail Feathers of Happiness

*sigh*  I don’t know how I came to be the way I am, how I came to be obsessed with the "fairytale" and so uninfatuated by reality.  But it always comes back to this.   Before my first real dose of reality, I always knew that what I wanted did not exist, but in my naivete, I thought it was because no one possessed the qualities I hoped for.  Now, I have come to realize that what I want does not exist because I, myself, do not possess the qualities I hoped for.  Blame it on society, parenting, or sheer failing of genetics….whatever.  It all leads to the same deflating conclusion…I can chase Happiness to the end of my days but I will never get more than a handful of tailfeathers as I clutch desperately after the ever evading, skittish goal of every human being’s life.  I can only pause for breath in my chase, inhaling whatever remnants I can from my pilfered tail feathers, and hope a second wind will carry me faster in my next pursuit.  Or I can say screw it and off myself.  I still haven’t completely ruled that out in future years.