My Failsauce Talents

This is my curse: I can understand a great deal of things, great literary works for example.  My mind analyzes things with a highly meticulous level of scrutiny.  I comprehend most things rather easily and I acquire new skills relatively rapidly.  I’ve attended literature classes listening to my fellow classmates attempting to explicate this or that obscure poem and inwardly laugh as they struggle to piece together some sort of unifying theme.  Then, offering my own views, seeing the professor’s face light up and everyone stare at me as if I cheated somehow, I revel in my moment of glory.  The truth is, I GET it.  I really do.  That stuff makes complete sense to me.  Yet, I can’t seem to master the simplest of life’s functions.  I see the processes and formulas, the need for schedules and such, but I can never seem to execute such things.  I can’t seem to stick to a schedule to save my life.  

My mood disorder or whatever you want to call it seems to hinder this ability.  The disruptiveness of my moods and my frequent bouts of insomnia make it difficult for me to remain constant in anything.  Such a horrible waste of natural talent and ability.  As egotistical as it seems, it’s the truth.  I see my capabilities, but I see my flaws as well and, to me, I see all my capabilities as completely worthless without the ability to apply them and achieve something with them.  That is why someone with moderate talent in this or that area would be able to own my face, so to speak, in the area to which they apply themselves simply because they have the motivation and stability to follow through with it.  Sure, I shit on a piece of paper, turn it in and get an A on it, but what use is that in the long run?  I think it might actually be more painful to know that you are capable of achieving so much more than it is to suck at what you do but know that you are performing to the best of your ability.  At least you would be able to take pride in the fact that you have given your best effort.