In Love With Love

You are so lost to me. The last great love of my life, probably undeserving. I’ll never know. I’m in love with love, with the falling, with passion, with affection, with the feeling itself. I love to be loved. It makes me fall into love…a chemical cocktail of emotion.

I miss you. I shouldn’t, but I do. I’ve animated your memory, bejeweled it with gems of unfiltered happiness. You’re my go-to thought when I’m alone, when the passion surges and swells and breaks…it breaks on thoughts of you.

I wish I’d never met you. You’ve ruined me.

Every wrenching musical chord makes me think of the undiscovered parts of you, how badly I wanted to know you, how much I wanted to dive into you, get lost in you, to lose myself, to drown and resurface, capable of breathing you.

You had that depth, but you were selfish with it, at least with me. And that’s all I could see.

I wanted to learn you, like a second language. I wanted to be able to interpret you. You don’t talk much, but I wanted to learn you so well that it wouldn’t have even been an issue.

What is it that is so different about you? I completely forgot Sam in your wake…a 5 year relationship, completely eclipsed by you in a few weeks. Yet you’re still here…and I’m dating someone else already and I can’t forget you. Is it just too soon?

Halcyon

February 11, 2012

Of course you’re worth fighting for. -_- I can’t wait til you meet a guy who just makes you feel secure enough to not need those things, nor jealousy. ;P It’d do you a world of good. Actually it’d do *me* a world of good to meet someone like that too. >.> Le sigh. I seem to always get distant types unwilling to commit but it feels dangerous to disengage from because of their potential reaction.

And yes we do have quite a bit in common, haha. To my eyes, as of this point, I think of you as a female version of me, or me a male version of you. Whichever sounds better on current mood. It’s interesting. ;o Kinda haven’t found anything about you where we’re totally or at least very different on yet. Maybe you have by now though, considering you’re reading my ridiculous early entries. >.<;

Btw, some people who’re less than kind nominated this entry for readers choice….I suspected you didn’t want it so I navigated it away. I’ve been doing that quite a bit lately. Lots of people nominating sad/upset entries and for what? To expose people venting to the peanut gallery? How insensitive is that? Sorry if you didn’t mind it or wanted the attention, though. Lemme know if you ever want…

…a readers choice. Blarg, I should read the beginning of your diary too. Just so I can see all the embarrassing moments from your early diary like you’re seeing in mine! >:]

February 12, 2012

:[ Don’t do that again plz. ;P

mess up it

Know the feeling. Every person is a universe, with plenty to explore in one lifetime. Why two people tire of exploring the universes they promise to each other, I don’t know. To those of us desiring but not given the chance to explore the universe we become fascinated with, it’s hard.

I remember that. ;o I’m in WI now. Trying to get out to NY possibly. Or maybe NC MA or Cali. But prob NY or MA. I want a change of scenery and of life. And people, too. >.> Dunno, veritably hate my life at this particular moment. Things need to be changed.

…also why’d you tell me where you live? You told me that before and I didnae ask. Perhaps that was meant for someone else?

Oh, lol. If I was literally next door would you visit me? Or do I intimidate ya too much?! *MASCULINE GRIN!*

Yeah. I kinda would like to do the same. I’m a gamer too if you remember. ;p Actually as we speak I’m playing with Yeufann and Bree. I think you’d like us. You own worms reloaded or dungeon defenders? Or hell, we play civ 4 and 5 too and killing floor. xD Other games it’s just me and Bree. She’s ad astra por alia porci on here, I think you two have talked at some point. ;x

But anyway, yeah, I kinda wish to do the same. I’d love to meet bree sometime. I’ve already done that w/ fann. He’s my best friend and has been for like….10 years? I’ve gamed w/ him for like 12 or 13. Jeez I’m old. Good guy though. Our relationship is eerie. I can just say merely ‘what’ then trail off and he will know what I’m asking ALMOST EVERY TIME. It’s creepy. Real creepy, lol.

Yeah I’ll be playing D3 too. ;O Not sure what I want to play though.

Yeah, no mmos for me atm either. I tried the latest star wars mmo and meh. I just felt it very subpar. Half built, like it was ready for MAYBE beta testing. It just wasnt worth it. The voice acting for it was cute for a little bit but that was the only thing that made it stand out. Actually the incredible pvp lag did too, but not for good reasons. ;x

Hotel tickets? They don’t let you stay in the guest room? Pfft.

Lol, serves you right for dwelling. *taps your nose*