Crush

A crush.  That’s all it is.  Some guy I met online a few years ago that I started playing Diablo III with.  All logic tells me to quit being retarded…he lives halfway across the country and is 22….almost the same situation that got me to Texas in the first place, except he doesn’t even know I like him.  Hehehe.  Well, I’m just milking it because it’s a great feeling.  I just don’t think about the impossibility of it…and now, suddenly, I have reasons.  I have drive. 

People at work have been asking me "who’s the lucky guy."  I dance around and sing and smile all the time and the customers just don’t know what to make of it. They think I’m in love.  But it’s really just a crush.  I know this.  A futile crush.  I know this, too.  But it makes everything easier. 

Cody posts random pics of his hotness and all the awesome things he gets to do and I see them on my facebook, and it gets to me.  I miss him.  I wish I could share experiences with him still.  I miss him badly.  Doesn’t help that I’m ridiculously attracted to him.  Doesn’t help that I still remember the happiest times in my life for the past 10 years….were all with him.  But I’ve been happy in the past couple of days.  Happy…for the first time since about October of last year with Cody.  If I have to ignore the impossibility of anything occurring with the new object of my affection….then I’ll do that.  It feels good.  I can live on the borderline of a lie for a bit.  Just to experience this.  It’s been far too rare.