where you end

 
Sometimes, I feel like the world is just right. You know, that feeling. Right? It’s the feeling that the lights are glowing at just the right radiance. And the zephyr is perfectly licking the insides of your hair. And and and. The road is infinite. You feel like there is no end and no beginning. And the possibilities are endless.
 
Today was a warm autumn day. I was entirely more lazy and “procrastinative” than I should have been. I watched the double episodes of ER and I don’t know why I do because I end up crying. And since when do I cry so easily? Seriously. I find myself crying at the smallest of things sometimes. Like leaves hitting the ground. It is almost as if I am the emotion of all things. I cry from happiness. I cry from sadness. My eyes are flowing rivers.
 
We finished watching the movie, Brother 2 in Russian class. It made me so sad looking at the lead actor. My professor let me know that the actor turned out to be the symbol for Russia. He represented their beliefs. And then he died while filming. An avalanche killed the entire film crew. Their bodies were never found.
 
It was Brian’s birthday. We had cake. 2 cakes! I pigged out, as a person should do.
 
In Tae Kwon Do, the boys got very confused. The sensai put on music and we danced. And he made us get together with partners. And the scrawny boy with big blue eyes, came to dance with me. And I nodded. And we held hands. And he told me things I couldn’t hear. But I smiled anyways. I looked at our hands. God, I missed having a hand to hold.
 
The dork that I am, stayed up till 2am last night, watching an episode of Felicity. I really liked this one line. “I just need one person to trust.” I don’t know why it hit home. Right here. In the heart. But it did.
 
So now Ive been thinking all about trust. There are different kinds of trust. There is the trust that your friends wont steal your stuff. There is the trust that they wont talk mean things behind your back. There is the trust that they will remain in your life, despite any hardships that may come along. Etc etc etc.
 
I ponder what I do and don’t trust.
 
My biggest untrust stems from the belief that I know people will come and go out of my life. I cant depend on them. Too much dependence is never good.
 

In other news, Liz has been providing me entertainment. Last night we stayed up talking for hours. We havent done that in a while. We talked about the big grand qs of life. You know how it goes. And then we of course ended up on the subject of boys.
 
“Okay so what is your type?” Liz asked with big curious eyes.
 
“Hmm. Well. Outgoing. The kind that can make friends while ordering a cup o’ coffee. Intelligent in a challenging way. And dorkily nice. And athletic.” It soon turned out that [single] boys like this don’t exist. Not even in argentina. Liz naturally felt like trying to find me a husband so she asked her boyfriend Andres who was on webcam from Argentina. “Find Elina a boy!” And before I knew it, pictures of random Argentenian boys were being sent and I was ordered to make decisions. I immediately left the room.
 
And today when I came home, Liz was squealing from the fact that her newly pierced ear was all closed up. She was trying so hard to shove the earing back in, that the ear started bleeding. And she started asking me for help. And huh? Im no ear piercer. And so before I knew it, she was running around with a needle and taking the situation in her own hands. A couple minutes later, she was showing me the needle stuck half way into her ear. I was on the phone with my mom who was yelling into the phone how I should stop liz. I have no control over my friends. Especially when theyre going to do something crazy.
 
I had a dream last night that I was going to go skydiving. And I was excited to fly.
 
Tonight everyone comes over to pile up on our couch and watch Grey’s Anatomy from our little tv. I really do like Thursdays. Although I don’t get any work done. And maybe that is why I love Thursdays.

 
PS: I wish this song was written about/for me:

"Thought I fell in love the other day
With an old friend of mine
I was running kisses
Down every inch of the spine

We had the roof down
The sun came shining in
The black fact is…
that I was thinking of you

If I could kiss you now
I’d kiss you now again and again
I don’t know where I begin
And where you End"

[moby]