a heart is an empty room

And this is where I spent most of today. Rochambeu Branch Library. It is the local library, and about a 10 mins walk from my house. I have always had strong connections to it. When we first moved to America, my family and i participated in a literacy program, which helped us with our English and of course making new friends. All the librarians knew me. I loved the place. Then they remodeled it and now it looks so modern and new and they hired new librarians and none of them know me and they wont take off my unpaid dues, just cause. There is just the tall man with the red face, and a mullet, who always smiles in that way, as if he remembers me at age seven. Am I that girl? Why, yes I am.

I read for about 5 hours non stop my cognitive neuroscience book. It was so hard not to look up and see that I am in the poetry section, and there is maya angelou and Anne Sexton and William Shakespeare, and why cant I play with them? I sighed. Less than a year. In less than a year, exams will be a thing of the past and play buddy authors are mine.

I actually was supposed to have gotten up at 7:30am. I got up at 10am. It was just one of those mornings.

Tonight was the Death Cab for Cutie concert. Whenever someone asked what concert Im going, they got confused whenever i said the band name. "Death…what?" Mortification in their eyes. And I smiled at their silly innocence.

It was amazing as promised. It was in the Providence Performing Arts Center(PPAC). Melinda and her friends had picked me up. I give HORRIBLE directions, so of course they got lost and I had to give the phone to my brother so he could give proper directions. They found me succesfully. We however were not so succesful at dinner. Cheesecake Factory of course had a 2 hour wait. And even Unos had an hour wait. We ended up going to the food court, and i was grateful that i had eaten dinner at home. I did buy Naan. Mmm.

PPAC is gorgeous. Gorgeous. Gorgeous. I cant say it enough times, it is that gorgeous. It looks like a place that should be putting on operas. It has golden trimmings that glowed in the atmosphere. A huge fancy chandelier hanging from the center. It was big. And beautiful. And antique. And. Just. Perfect for the mood.

However, the sqealing high school girls were not perfect for the mood. Ive been to many concerts and Im used to people yelling with excitement but this was something far and beyond. High pitched squealing. Moreover, I was disturbed by their hyper enthusiasm. Death Cab is mellow. It is the music you listen to, while sitting indian style in some park. It is the music that mellows you down and you think and contemplate life and its just like chiiillll. It is not however head banging, bouncing up and down, Im going to rock out like a crazy girl. I dont know. Maybe im wrong. But when i saw a girl jumping up and down with arms flailing and singing "sorrow drips through a pinhole…" It. Just. Looked. Wrong.

At some point, Melinda turned to me and said "How do you like the high school sing-along?"

I dont mean to bash high schoolers. But. Damn. Those kids.

Ahem.

But otherwise Death Cab was amazing. I was mesmorized by the lighting. I was really astonished by the lead singer who was running around like crazy on stage. From guitar to piano to drums. That was one cool part. Two drum sets on stage. Never seen anything like it before.

Sometimes I got really lost in the lights and the beats and the thumping, that i felt goosebumps trail my entire body like a slithery snake and i lost my breathe, in fear to ruin the moment.

I do heart concerts.

It ended rather early and they looked at me to take them some place cool. How could i tell them that I am uncool when I am in Providence? Ive lived here for 10 years and yet i still dont really know the cool hangouts. I know more about Boston than Providence. I know i could have faked coolness and led them somewhere but i didnt want to be responsible for any mugging in a random dark street that everyone and anyone knows is  bad, except for the uncool girl.

We ended up sitting an hour or so in some City Cafe. It was pretty good, actually. They ordered Margarittas and i ordered my iced tea. It was funny. "Do you have anything thats not alcoholic?" I asked and all of a sudden for the next 5 minutes it was a dilemma. What non alcoholic drinks are there in a bar? ha! I must have looked like a wussy girl. But in reality, Im just a smart lady who is taking care of her stomach. [See? Em, I realized I am not a cow]

I was going to show them the cool overlooking spot of the city, but Erin wimped out and so now I am back home.

There is drama at brandeis. I dont want to go back to brandeis. I really really dont. I just want to stick around here. With my Simba. And sleep. Yes. Lots of sleep.

My dad found my copy of Time Traveler’s Wife. [I had been looking for it, for months!] I picked it up and read a paragraph or more like a chapter and it made me smile so wide and sometimes thats what you need in a day. Some words from your favorite book.

Tomorrow is going to be a very long day. And so will Monday. And really, all I am doing is trying to survive through the long days until I get somewhere, and i feel like im getting no where.