best for me

We talked to mum today, fuck goddammit. 😐 dammit. She Wants Whats Best For Me. capitalized for effect, her idea of best, she needs to be in control she always does and we feel like we’re fighting like always to be something other than in her control, some independent person or least independent thing and it is so tiring.

We failed at getting into work on Tuesday, mum got pissed at us for this.

we feel like we’re such a disappointment to her… where is that on the CAT map. somewhere between the perfectly caring bubble, first instance? she did perfectly care for me after all but then she never understood me which is the rejecting/abandoning bubble shit.

how do I cope with this, Idk. I need to do what she says and tidy she is right. Muddied Glass is right.

I’m meant to express my feelings ive tried but my feelings aren’t valid not to them and I can’t do shit and these maps tell me fuck all about to do, I suppose they do irl they tell me to step back from everything and focus my attentions on caring for little Kat….. I should do that I need to tidy thou and I wasted all day.